| Elysium
| Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters | Planes | We’re the Millers | WINNER
(1 point per category) |
| Clearest Title | Don’t know what this means. | The sequel to Percy Jackson! | Will be about planes, but that’s all I know. | Will be about the Millers, but that’s all I know. | By the beard of Zeus! I think Percy Jackson wins the first point of this column. |
Best Genre
and Rating | Action
Rated R for strong bloody violence and language throughout. | Adventure
Rated PG for fantasy action violence, some scary images, and mild language. | Animation
Rated PG for some mild action and rude humor. | Comedy
Rated R for crude sexual content, pervasive language, drug material, and brief graphic nudity. | Great Odin’s Raven! It looks like we got some diversity this week. 1/4 point for all. |
Best Plot
(in haiku form) | Poor people on Earth
Rich people in space station
It’s time to have war | Demi-gods at camp
Destroyer of Gods coming
Must find fleece to win | Like the movie Cars
Plane wants to be a racer
Underdog story | Guy has to get drugs
Gets “wife,” “children” for cover
“Wife” is a stripper | By the hammer of Thor! Honestly, demigods and space travel are just more interesting plots. 1/2 point each. |
| Best Trailer | PROS: Intriguing futuristic plot about oppressed people on Earth
CONS: The bad guy in the movie (not Jodie, but the guy) seems fake and one dimensional | PROS: It looked like a movie that would be entertaining for kids and adults
CONS: It wasn't spectacular (but still good) | PROS: It’s a spin-off from Cars
CONS: Generic plot and actually not made by Pixar! (Was it made by Disney just to make money?) | PROS: The plot actually seems fresh, good story.
CONS:I was completely engrossed in the trailer (just didn’t laugh). | Knights of Columbus! Elysium and We’re the Millers had the best trailers. 1/2 point each. |
| Coolest Lead Actor | Matt Damon from Good Will Hunting, the Bourne trilogy, and The Departed. | Logan Lerman from the Perks of Being a Wallflower and Percy Jackson. | The voice of Dane Cook from Dan in Real Life. | Jennifer Aniston from Friends, Bruce Almighty, and Office Space. | Knights of Columbus! Matt Damon and Jennifer Aniston are clearly the winners of this round. 1/2 point each. |
| Best Cast | Jodie Foster (The Silence of the Lambs) | Stanley Tucci (The Hunger Games) and Nathan Fillion (Firefly) | The voices of Teri Hatcher, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, John Cleese, Val Kilmer, and many more! | Jason Sudeikis (Saturday Night Live), Emma Roberts (Nancy Drew) Ed Helm (The Office) | Sweet Lincoln’s mullet! Jodie Foster alone is greater than the other three casts combined. Point for her. |
Best Street Cred
For the Production | Writer and Director Neill Blomkamp also wrote and directed District 9. | Director Thor Freudenthal also directed Diary of a Wimpy Kid. | Director Klay Hall has also directed many animated television shows. | Director Rawson Marshall Thurber also directed Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story. | Milk was a bad choice! For the guy who wrote and directed a movie that went to the Academy Awards, I think Neill will win a point this round (although props to your amazing name: Thor Freudenthal) |
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