TiVoPlex
By John Seal
June 10, 2013
8:30 PM Turner Classic Movies
The Burglar (1957 USA): Here’s a film I last saw on the BBC...or maybe it was Channel 4. Regardless, I definitely saw The Burglar in the UK and can’t recall any US screenings of recent vintage, so this TCM broadcast is not to be missed. One of only a very few films penned by hardboiled novelist David Goodis (which probably explains why it’s as good as it is), The Burglar stars Dan Duryea as Nat Harbin, a two-bit gangster plotting the theft of a priceless necklace with the aid of moll Gladden (Jayne Mansfield) and fellow baddies Baylock and Dohmer (Peter Capell and Mickey Shaughnessy). Blending elements of routine crime drama and high-pitched noir into one irrisistable package, The Burglar also gave Mansfield an opportunity to break out of the ditzy blonde comedy roles she was generally stuck with. She makes the most of it.
11:30 PM Turner Classic Movies
The Burglars (1971 FRA): One burglar not enough for you? Try the family pack, available via this excellent French crime drama directed by Henri "Sicilian Clan" Verneuil. And yes, it’s a remake of The Burglar, this time set in Greece, where a group of no-goodniks (including Jean-Paul Belmondo, Robert Hossein, and Dyan Cannon) are matching wits with a tough cop (Omar Sharif) in an effort to get their mitts on an incredibly valuable piece of jewelry. Featuring a dynamite car chase sequence and a terrific Ennio Morricone score (complete with Edda del’Orso vocals), The Burglars makes its widescreen American television debut this evening.
Saturday 6/1513
6:00 AM Turner Classic Movies
The Wacky World of Mother Goose (1966 USA): Once upon a time, there was something called a "Saturday matinee." Parents would dump their children at the local cinema in the morning and enjoy a day of peace and quiet, while the kids would take in a few cartoons, perhaps a chapter-play, and a feature or two, all while screaming at the top of their lungs and hurling popcorn in all directions. Ushers hated it but theater owners loved it, because the house was full and they sold a ton of snacks. Sadly, this institution was dying out by the late 1960s, when The Wacky World of Mother Goose hove into view on screens across the nation and killed the Saturday matinee stone dead. Yes, this is an extremely rare film, but there’s a reason: it features some of the worst cut-rate animation you’ve ever seen, horrible songs, and terrible voice acting (other than that provided by headliner Margaret Rutherford). Even the least discriminating 21st century kids are not going to sit through this unless you tie ‘em down and dope ‘em up. You, however, can revel in the horror of it all and appreciate one of the worst films of all time - how Michael Medved failed to include it in his Golden Turkeys book is beyond me.
Sunday 6/16/13
Midnight Fox Movie Channel
Making It (1971 USA): Hollywood eminence grise Peter Bart got his start with this comedy-drama about the sexual foibles of a young man in a hurry. Phil (Kristoffer Tabori) is a high school senior whose adolescent libido is taking him in all sorts of directions - including towards his P.E. teacher’s attractive wife (Marlyn Mason) and cute-as-a-button classmate Debbie (The Velvet Vampire’s Sherry Miles). Needless to say, all the canoodling gets him into deep waters - including an unwanted pregnancy that causes the film to shift abruptly and uneasily from goofy generation gap comedy to hyper-serious abortion drama. The shift is not well executed by Bart’s screenplay, but Making It’s interesting cast (including a very young Bob Balaban, John "Piglet" Fiedler, and not one but TWO Van Pattens) renders it classic TiVoPlex material.
11:00 PM Turner Classic Movies
Close-Up (1990 IRN): Warning: Abbas Kiarostami film ahead! For a lot of folks, Kiarostami’s e x t r e m e l y d e l i b e r a t i v e brand of filmmaking is a total (and understandable) turnoff. If, however, you have no problem with a guy who makes Ingmar Bergman look like Michael Bay, you will be delighted to see this film appearing tonight on TCM. There’s the added benefit of a generous dose of meta, with fellow director Mohsen Makhmalbaf starring as himself and Hossain Sabzian playing...a man impersonating Mohsen Makhmalbaf! This I promise: you definitely haven’t seen another film quite like Close-Up.
Monday 6/17/13
8:45 AM Encore Action
Firewalker (1986 USA): At the polar opposite of Close-Up sits this Chuck Norris action epic, in which the Chuckster and Louis Gossett, Jr. play fortune hunters out to find a lost cache of valuables in Mexico. There are very few films I only give a "1" to on IMDb, but this is one of ‘em. I’ve purged my memory of precisely what renders Firewalker so awful, so you’ll have to tune in for the gruesome details.
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