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5:00 PM Turner Classic Movies
Alice in Wonderland (1933 USA): Stuffed to the gills with Golden Age movie stars, this remains one of the better (if still far from perfect) big screen adaptations of Lewis Carroll’s beloved Victorian-era fantasy. Charlotte Henry is passable as young Alice, but you’re really tuning in to see (amongst others) W. C. Fields as Humpty Dumpty, Cary Grant as The Mock Turtle, Gary Cooper as The White Knight, and Billy Barty as The Baby. (If Barty’s not your cup of tea, a) what’s wrong with you?, b) substitute Edward Everett Horton as The Mad Hatter, or Edna Mae Oliver as The Red Queen.)

Saturday 5/4/13

1:00 AM Encore Family
The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra (2004 USA): If you’re the kind of person who keeps his or her collection of Famous Monsters of Filmland preserved in plastic in a controlled environment (keep the temperature and the humidity low!), this is your film. There’s something for everyone: a scientist and his beautiful wife, space aliens, a radioactive monster, a sultry and mysterious girl-creature, and, of course, the titular skeleton. He needs the rare element Atmospherium to reanimate his creaky old bones, and he’ll stop at next to nothing to get it! Filmed in black-and-white, and utilizing the beloved Bronson Canyon locations of Robot Monster fame, this will tickle the funny bone of all those who grew up watching Shock Theater or the Saturday night creature features.

5:00 PM HBO
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter (2012 USA): I really wanted to see this historically based horror flick last year, but my lousy family wouldn’t play along and I hate going to the movies alone, so instead we went to see Steven Spielberg’s Lincoln biopic instead. I’m really looking forward to finally seeing this, because Lord knows Benjamin Walker’s a better actor than Daniel Day-Lewis. Right? RIGHT?!?

10:00 PM Showtime
28 Hotel Rooms (2012 USA): Imagine my disappointment when I discovered this was a drama about a one-night stand, and not a chiller about a Holiday Inn full of British zombies who run really fast. It was some very palpable disappointment.

Monday 5/6/13

1:00 PM Turner Classic Movies
Soldiers Three (1951 USA): It’s Stewart Granger afternoon on TCM, and there’s Gunga Din-style fun to be had with this Tay Garnett-helmed British Empire adventure. Granger plays Archibald Ackroyd, an Army private who spends as much time drinking and roughhousing as he does fighting the natives. His off-hours misadventures are shared with chums Bill Sykes (Robert Newton) and Dennis Malloy (Cyril Cusack), but cause heartache and problems for superior officers Brunswick (Walter Pidgeon) and Pindenny (David Niven). Their solution: promote Ackroyd to Sergeant and force him to get his drinking partners in line! Based on a story by Rudyard Kipling, Three Soldiers also features Greta Gynt, Dan O’Herlihy, and Michael Ansara.

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