Survivor: Caramoan - Episode 5

Persona Non Grata

By Ben Willoughby

March 14, 2013

Since we have a strict No Hantz policy now, here is a pic of a previous albeit smarter iteration.

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Maybe Brandon doesn’t realize it, but no-one else really feels degraded by Stealth R Us, they are just playing along. When you think about it, the only person really degraded by Stealth R Us is Phillip, who is pushing something that no-one but him believes. Remember last week, when Phillip was talking about Napoleon at Waterloo, and he gave out titles because he had nothing else? Who was the first person on Stealth R Us to have a name? Phillip.

“I feed myself, ----!” shouts Brandon, who thinks he has found a catchphrase. “This is a meltdown,” says Brenda to Dawn and Malcolm.

“Don’t tell me you’re running the game! I took myself out of this game!” he protests. Yes, he took himself out but it’s because Phillip is more or less “controlling” the game at this point. Only because others are happy to let Phillip control the game at this stage. But Brandon just finds all the pretending too frustrating and that's why he is quitting. Because of Phillip.

“How are you feeling?” asks Probst. “Fired up, bro. Whoo!” Probst agrees that Brandon clearly is fired up, and he also seems a little hostile, and they’ll talk through it. Brandon talks about how he had a tough time after his first season on the show, in his personal life, and he swore that if he ever got a chance to play again he would never be the guy to get walked over in every episode. What committee of idiots does Brandon think would ask him back on Survivor after his season? Oh... right. “I can sit here proudly today and say that I’ve never cried a f---ing tear this season.”

Probst points out there has been no word from Phillip “during this entire tirade," but Phillip doesn’t have to speak when Brandon is making Phillip’s case for him. Brandon impersonates Phillip with some weird “yurp” sound, as Phillip spins about how he attempted to embrace Brandon, and how Brandon came to him wanting to be part of the alliance after voting for “Andraya” in the first episode.

Andrea starts to cry, and because she is now the most emotional person on the “favorites” mat, Probst asks how she is feeling. She says that she has grown close to Brandon, and it’s hard to see two people fight and say cruel things to each other. “I have said nothing to Brandon,” says Phillip. “Phillip Shepherd is never wrong ever, he’s a super spy agent 3.0. Shut up, shut up, own up to what you do.”




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“I came to apologize to you,” Brandon continues as though he meant his apology. “Over and over again. You are a pathetic individual,” responds Phillip, losing the high ground about not saying cruel things to Brandon. “Shut your mouth!” “You can’t shut my mouth”. Brandon acts like he is going to walk over there. “Don’t walk this way,” says Phillip. Probst calls Brandon back and puts his arm around his shoulder, saying “brought you here for a reason." “Nobody wants to get physical,” says Probst. “He doesn’t want to get physical,” mocks Brandon. “You’re absolutely right, I don’t.” states Phillip categorically.

“Hey, look at me,” Probst tells Brandon. “I’m doing this for you,” Brandon explains. “For me?” asks Probst, before confirming that Brandon is not going to get physical. Probst asks about Dawn, who is looking pained and Dawn speaks for us all when she says “I don’t want to be here.”

Brandon wants to take us through his thought process. “I want to be the author of my fate,” he says, trying out another catch-phrase. He tells everyone how he dumped the rice and beans, and Corinne says that “she does not think the whole tribe deserved that” before Dawn can shut her up, and Phillip adds and says “none of us deserved that."

Probst doesn’t want to let this drop, so he reminds Brandon about his famous Survivor-playing uncle. “I say this with respect but it might not feel respectful, but” and everything before the word ‘but’ is unimportant “is it in the blood?” “Us Hantzes, we speak our minds. I’m proud of that,” says Brandon, which is what people who speak their minds without considering the consequences, or whether it makes sense are usually proud of.


Continued:       1       2       3       4       5       6       7

     


 
 

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