Survivor: Caramoan Premiere Recap Part I

She Annoys Me Greatly

By Ben Willoughby

February 15, 2013

I cannot believe that these people are even dumber than last time.

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“This is the Caramoan Islands” says Jeff Probst in voice-over, while footage of tarsiers and whale sharks from last season is played.

Here's a boat with ten Americans, all from different ways of life, all “fans” of Survivor, and there are some brief mentions of first impressions. One guy – Michael – is picked up on by Laura as being very observant. Michael’s observation of Laura is “she looks about 18. What the hell is she doing out here?”

And flying overhead in the more fun helicopters are their competitors – 10 “favorites”. And they each get their own personal introduction from Probst. There’s Malcolm, with footage of his final challenge loss. And Cochran, the “Survivor nerd. He betrayed his tribe and paid the ultimate price. And he took Dawn down with him.” Brenda “used her looks to her advantage, but not everyone on her tribe was charmed.”

Erik was one of the original fans on the first Fans vs Favorites season, and “his inexperience showed.” So of course they play his big moment, which is a bunch of other players saying “Maybe you could convince Erik to give you his idol,” “Who would fall for that?” and Eliza’s eyes popping out when he actually does it.

But Erik wasn’t the only player to give up his idol, as we get footage of Brandon giving up his, accompanied by various WTF looks from the jury. Though to be fair, all my memories of Brandon are people giving him WTF looks. He was willing to “sacrifice immunity to play the honest game his uncle never could.” Andrea “the hard-working farm-girl... flirted her way out of the game” while Corinne was “good at making friends, better at making enemies” and telling Sugar she was an “unemployed, uneducated leech on society.”


And then there’s Phillip and his feather. Everyone thought he was crazy, but he “aligned with Rob and made it to the final three,” like that’s any achievement when it’s obvious you have no chance of winning once you get there. But he still did better than Francesca, who was first voted out in the same season, and on Day 1 summed Phillip up as “crazy.” Phillip also kept calling her Francesqua.

“What will happen when these explosive personalities collide?” Probst is standing on top of a slab of volcanic rock striking a he-man pose. “Thirty-nine days! Twenty people! One survivor!” Cue credits!

After the credits telling us everyone’s names, we get several close-ups on crocodiles that we are supposed to believe are right there when the “fans” arrive. “Welcome to the Caramoan Islands,” greets Probst. “Whooo!” There’s no chit-chat as he announces they will be playing against some of their “favorite” Survivors! Smaller “Whoo!” this time.

The “favorites” land in their helicopters and come out one by one. It turns out that Sherri – the only woman aged over 40 on her tribe - might actually be a fan, because she calls out all their names right after Probst does. “Nerd alert!” some guy calls out before Probst has even said who it is. “Cochran!” Sherri gives him a thumbs up. And now here’s Dawn! “Dawn! Oh my God!” says Sherri.

No one knows Corinne or Andrea, but Erik gets a big “ice cream scooper guy!” from Sherri. She is really into this. Obviously no one knows Malcolm yet, but when Brenda appears there are whispers and murmurings of “so dangerous” from Julia the race-car driver and others.

“Oh my God, that’s Russell’s nephew!” shrieks Sherri. No one points and laughs at Francesca, so everyone’s forgotten her. And Shamar, the big Marine, sighs out an “Oh no” when Phillip appears. I feel you, Shamar. But his overall assessment of the “favorites” is “This lunch meat right there. It’s about to be chow time.”

Continued:       1       2       3       4



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