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I’m back and absence clearly does NOT make the heart grow fonder when it pertains to The Amazing Race. I left two weeks ago with disgust in my heart for Team Despicable and that distaste never waned while away. Also, can we REALLY be sure that Natalie & Nadiaya weren’t the responsible parties behind James & Abba’s stolen passports?

Next, thank you to football for not running over this week. Anyway, let’s get to business and head back to the (former) U.S.S.R.

Well, not for long. At 7:32 a.m., Jaymes & James rip open their clue like it’s a pair of tear-away pants and are given the cryptic (but fairly easy to decipher) clue of a flag. They are heading to the capital of said country. Phil lets us know that it is The Netherlands with Amsterdam as the destination. After quickly getting the answer to the country’s identity from a random office building…maybe a hotel, Team Beefcake sincerely explain their goal is to win the race to provide for loved ones back home, like Jaymes (blonde with a ‘y’) looking to help supplement his dad’s income as he fights cancer. These fellows seem to not only deeply appreciate the chance to be on the race, but they are enjoying the experience. I am always happy to root for this type of team.

Leaving about 20 minutes later, Team Longhorn leaves and explains that they consider Team Beefcake and the twins as people that they genuinely like. Evidence for their “guilt by association” continues to mount up against Trey & Lexi. Even though I’m sure it will be short-lived, the couple gets erroneous information that the flag is French, which leads Lexi to go into full-on rom-com hysterics that “we’re going to Paris.”

As expected, Ja(y)mes deflates her excitement by explaining that it’s not France. Disappointment is all over her sad, sad face.

An hour and half later, Natalie & Nadiaya cockily (because that’s the only way they seem to function) proclaim it’s France until they are corrected by another anonymous Russian. Thank you, Russia, for giving these nitwits one more dose of reality before leaving.

At the airport, we get the least shocking news…the next flights to Amsterdam won’t leave until the next morning. Yup, the playing field has been leveled as usual. Of the teams at the airport, Team Beefcake are the only ones with a direct flight – leaving at 10:45 a.m. and landing at 12:15 p.m. The Texans are taking a flight with a 45-minute connection set to land in Holland at 1:05 p.m. and Team Despicable has convinced a ticket agent to hook them up with a connecting flight that lands in Amsterdam at 11:30 a.m. Never have I wanted someone to be delayed at an airport more.

It’s 5:28 in the morning…do you know where your dating divorcees are? Well, they are leaving the Pitstop and heading to the airport. Abbie & Ryan are well-aware of the possibility of being U-Turned by the twins and Texans if a U-Turn should pop up on this leg. They seem to be as focused as they have ever been because they can taste $2 million.

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