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According to Probst and players, each castaway has a one in 18 shot at winning the title of Sole Survivor - as though this is assigned by random number generator. As we all know that castaways are not created equal, I've watched all the CBS and EW “meet the castaways” promos, and have put together a collection of sweeping statements and snap judgments based on two-minute videos.

Let’s meet the collection of idiots, dupes, rubes and sociopaths they’ve cast this season.

Kalabaw Tribe

Dawson

Dawson is going by her surname, because her best friend has the same name (Sarah) as she does. She is not making a desperate plea to be one of the elite Survivor group that Probst refers to by surname, like Cochrane from the South Pacific season. She is not even a fan of Cochrane, mocking him for his poor understanding of the game and his sweater-vests. But she does say she is a huge fan of Survivor, to the point where she might have to see a professional. I suggest that she does not see Cochrane.

Dawson is obviously going to be a character to watch, but not a player. Consider the evidence:

• She intends to preach the Gospel of Fun
  
• Her inspiration in life is Neil Patrick Harris
  
• She once made someone cry while giving them constructive criticism on how to play Cranium
  
• She “loves to trouble”, and plans on playing a few pranks
  
• In her Survivor interview with Probst, the second-least appropriate thing she did was pet his hair
  
• Her own assessment is that she will come across to others as kind of an idiot

Pranks! Outstanding! I am looking forward to seeing Dawson in action.

Odds of being the Sole Survivor: 1 in 72





Katie

Katie is a former Miss Delaware, who is also a senior in criminal justice with plans to become a state trooper. She claims to be the total package for Survivor – hot, smart and athletic. I don’t recall anything on the Survivor flag saying “out-hot”, but whatever. According to Katie, being a pageant girl has several advantages. She has to be physically in shape, and has to know how to present and interview well. Fair enough, but we know how well that worked for Amanda Kimmel.

Katie describes herself as a go-getter, but her plan is to lay low and not talk because if she talks she’ll get voted out quick. You know what I love every season on Survivor? People who say “if I talk or boss people around, like I want, I’ll get voted out,” and then proceed to talk and boss people around because they can’t help themselves.

Odds of being the Sole Survivor: 1 in 12

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