Top Chef: Texas Recap

By David Mumpower and Kim Hollis

March 7, 2012

The knife points to the winner!

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Final Power Rankings:

1) Paul: The difference between Paul and whomever had made the final round of competition would be the difference between Albert Pujols and a Pee Wee League kid who plays only because his dad is the coach. We believe this. Our stated opinion is that Paul could serve the judges Longpig with a side of Soylent Coleslaw and he would still win. Yes, the editing will make it seem like the other contestant has a chance but let’s be honest. They don’t. Paul has delivered the strongest individual season in the history of Top Chef. He will be named the victor tonight. If he doesn’t, Bravo should call it a day and cancel the show. If they cannot get this one right, they don’t deserve to be on television.

2) Sarah: Lindsay, Sarah, Beverly, Anthony Bourdain, Joel Robuchon the ghost of Julia Child, it wouldn’t matter. Paul would beat any of them. To her credit, Sarah has followed the blueprint created by Mike Isabella last season by using the weeks-long sabbatical to improve her craft. She is treating the Top Chef finale like a job interview process, which it is. Her video resume always will be available for posterity’s sake. She had little to lose as the finalist who had never won anything and this liberty has shaped a Go For It attitude in her.

Previously on Top Chef, Paul won almost everything. This is only a slight exaggeration. There were 29 chefs at the start of the season. Paul has won eight out of 14 elimination challenges. Yes, in a field with many competitors, Paul has won more often than he has lost. He also has won roughly as much in cash and prizes as the grand prize winner is supposed to attain, $125,000. His winnings include a new Prius and some exotic vacations. This is why we view his (impending) victory as a foregone conclusion.

Also, Sarah is there.




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Okay, that is a cheapshot of sorts. After an obnoxious debut appearance wherein she threw Keith under the bus for what was a group failure, the emotional player frustrated us throughout the season with her temper. She also had a tendency to treat Beverly, who is older than her, as a misbehaving child. We later found out that Sarah dropped out of school in order to pursue her culinary dream, which explains quite a bit about her arrested development.

Sarah is now in the finale of the ultimate cooking competition, which means her dream could be realized tonight. Alas, we give her the same odds of winning as the Patriots have in Super Bowl XLVI…and that game has already been played. The Patriots lost. Sarah is playing to show, to represent herself well as the greatest cooking talent this side of Paul. Unfortunately, at Judges Table, she will be on this side of Paul and it happens to be the losing side.

Mock us all you want if we are wrong but we have been maintaining Paul was head and shoulders above everyone else. We placed him at the top of the power rankings when those debuted in early December. We have had him in first place in every update in the interim. We definitely will not be jumping off the bandwagon at the end after we were the first ones onboard.


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