Top Chef: Texas Recap

By David Mumpower

January 11, 2012

He's prettier than you.

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The elimination challenge is the polar opposite of the Quickfire. It is a traditional BBQ pit competition wherein the chefs will be asked to prepare five dishes for over 300 guests at The Salt Lick, a Texas institution. Myhrvold will be serving as a judge for this challenge as well as it turns out that he is a world champion at barbecue as well. Why isn’t he on Top Chef Masters? Anyway, the challenge requires the preparation of chicken, beef and pork barbecue along with a pair of side dishes. This is a ton of food to be produced by the contestants.

The participants are asked to divide into three trios and what follows next is predictable. Lindsay and Grayson saddle up to Paul, the strongest player, while Ty and Edward reunite. Sarah joins them, ostensibly because Ty talks a big game about barbecue. It is readily apparent, however, that she believes they are a strong duo and she wants to be part of the winning team. This leaves Beverly and the two Chrises as the Trio of Misfit Chefs in this challenge. At this moment, it seems all but certain one of them will be going home but what is amazing about Top Chef is how often weaker players combine into a stronger group.

Team Paul (let’s be realistic about who is carrying this trio) makes a group decision (no, really) to tackle a more daring flavor profile. As the other two groups choose beans and coleslaw as their all too obvious side dishes, Paul and Paul’s Angels choose a more exotic Asian flavor profile. As Grayson says, there is a bigger potential payoff for a riskier strategy. Chris and Chris and Heather’s Conqueror determine their risk in an altogether different manner. They choose to make a Dr. Pepper glaze on pork ribs because Dr. Pepper was invented in Texas and this season is Top Chef: Texas. I guess you have to hear the entire conversation for that to make sense. They also make beer can chicken, which entails shoving a beer can up the arse of a dead chicken. This is corpse desecration in the name of flavor.




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Scott Roberts, the owner of The Salt Lick, takes the chefs on a tour of his barbecue pit. This is clearly a labor of love for him as he details how the restaurant came to be and what steps are entailed in making proper Texas-style barbecue. After the tour ends, he walks the players out to a trio of trucks. Each of them is loaded down with wood to the point where the front tires are a foot higher than the back tires where the wood sits. The Top Chef contestants will be asked to unload the kindling, start the fire for their respective pits and stay up as long as they deem necessary to build the appropriate flavor profile. This is going to be a strange night.

We learn a couple of things as the episode progresses. The first is that Grayson is not someone with whom we want to pull an all-nighter. She gets so goofy that we are forcibly reminded of the time Apu Nahasapeemapetilon thought he was some sort of hummingbird. Absolutely nothing she says makes sense. Meanwhile, Beverly fails to acknowledge the flammable properties of bourbon. As Malibu Chris sits outside and wonders whether she recognizes how dangerous that is, the camera production cuts to Beverly blithely ignoring an arcing flame that is scorching the outside glass door of the microwave above it. Moments later, the fire alarm predictably goes off. Somewhere, Smokey the Bear is crying.


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