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By John Seal

July 11, 2011

Oh my God, they killed Kenny!

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Saturday 7/16/11

8:00 AM Turner Classic Movies
Ace Drummond (1936 USA): Ace must face off against The Squadron of Death in Chapters 11 and 12 of the chapter play.

9:00 AM Turner Classic Movies
Tarzan’s Peril (1951 USA): Is suburban sprawl encroaching on the tree-house? Has the T-man (Lex Barker) forgotten how to speak in monosyllabic English? Has Boy taken a fancy to Jane? No, Tarzan’s Peril is merely an escaped gun runner (the deliciously evil George Macready) beating feet for the nearest exit. The first Tarzan feature to be filmed in Africa, Tarzan’s Peril benefits from superior production values, solid acting by Macready and Barker, and the welcome casting of Dorothy Dandridge as a (gasp) black African!




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10:05 PM Encore
Cyborg (1989 USA): Also known, rather deceptively, as Masters of the Universe 2, Cyborg is a classic of the low-budget "bleak future" genre. Directed by Albert Pyun (he of the much unloved Nemesis series), Cyborg stars beefcake Jean-Claude van Damme as Gibson Rickenbacker, a gun for hire escorting cyborg Pearl Prophet (Dayle Haddon) from point A to point B whilst trying to evade interception by evil warlord Fender Tremolo (Vincent Klyn). No, I’m not making these characters’ names up - but where’s Les Paul? If you think the Mad Max movies are a little too highbrow, you’ll find deep satisfaction in Cyborg, which also includes a character named Marshall Strat. Oy. Also airs 7/17 at 1:05 AM.

Monday 7/18/11

1:15 AM Turner Classic Movies
Stand by Me (1986 USA): It’s The Wonder Years, corpse-style! This nostalgic Rob Reiner-helmed and Stephen King-inspired joint relates the misadventures of four young lads (Corey Feldman, Wil Wheaton, River Phoenix and Jerry O’Connell) when they stumble across a body whilst frolicking in the Oregon woods one idyllic summer’s day. Will the boys be forced to grow up in a hurry? And how! This is one of those films told via book-ended flashbacks narrated by an adult version of one of the main characters, but was a progenitor of this (annoying) style, so we’ll give it a mulligan. Too bad there wasn’t room for Corey Haim, though.


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