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What's Next

By Michael Lynderey

June 14, 2010

These cats are fast as lightning. It's a little bit frightening.

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Now, as for those sequels - I wanted to cram in as many as I could here, because the next "What's Next" column will almost certainly be a special edition, dedicated to listing each and every one of the 73 Jaden Smith vehicles that are going to be announced throughout the next two weeks. So, here goes:

  • Alvin & the Chipmunks: Chip-Wrecked - No, "Chip-Wrecked" is not the actual subtitle for the next Chipmunks film. I just made it up to make the movie look bad. I admit it. As such, if you put "Chip-Wrecked" into the search engine of your choice, you will certainly not find many news reports announcing that "Chip-Wrecked" will be the subtitle for the next Chipmunks film.

  • The Bourne Legacy - That's not the title for the DVD box set of all three Bourne films (making-of-documentary included). Rather, it's the next sequel, which Tony Gilroy (writer of Bournes 1 through 3) has just been enlisted to script. I must be just about the only person on the planet who doesn't much like these movies, so all the enthusiasm I've expressed so far about this project has in fact been feigned.




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  • Kung Fu Panda: The Kaboom of Doom - This one's now been bumped up from June 3rd to the much more lucrative Memorial Day slot of May 27th, where it will easily trounce the Hangover sequel - and become May 2011's highest grossing film, rather than June's. It's in 3D, the better to meticulously inspect each of the title character's many chins.

  • The Muppets - The latest entry in this never-ending horror series (well, it's at least as scary as Critters), to be presided by Jason Segel in the capacity of both screenwriter and star, has just been scheduled for Christmas Day, 2011 - a month in which it will face off against fellow sequels Mission: Impossible IV and Chipmunks-are-Possible III. Oh yeah, and Sherlock Holmes 2, which has just penciled itself in for December 16th. So, what I'm really trying to say: if you want to make like the Kranks and take off for the holidays, December 2011 may very well be just the right time to do exactly that.

  • Scream 4 - Casting is really ramping up for this one, with Emma Roberts, Hayden Panettiere and Rory Culkin joining returning stars Campbell, Arquette, and Cox-Arquette. Try and guess the killer. I think he's in there somewhere.

  • Transformers 3 - Megan Fox has been replaced by a British model, but the bigger news is that the film will now officially be in 3D. Obviously, T3 did not survive the latest "Convert or Die" edict.

  • The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - It's official. Breaking Dawn will be split in half, leaving two disembodied parts, each in desperate search of that elusive $300 million gross. I did not really understand this decision until I looked the Twilight franchise up and saw that, in fact, Breaking Dawn is actually the very last book in the series, and would thus under normal circumstances have been the last Twilight film! And we just couldn't allow that. Not even in 3D.


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