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All this talk of the actors makes you think you’re reading an essay, and there’s a simple reason for that: I’m trying to do as much talking as I can without talking about Song of the Thin Man. The movie’s not terrible, by any means (though not having the usual director of the series, W.S. Van Dyke, at the helm is noticeable), but it’s also not a great argument for the series to have ever extended. Anyone who’s watched The Thin Man knows that the film’s charm doesn’t come from the mystery, but the excuse we’re given to watch a couple of alkies solve a mystery. Nick and Nora’s banter is the reason for the film’s iconic status, not cracking a case. The plot of Song of the Thin Man isn’t incredibly fascinated with the mystery - a jazz bandleader is murdered, and Nick and Nora are called upon to figure out whodunit - but, by throwing Nick and Nora into a world that is decidedly unfamiliar, we’re thrown off our game, too.

You see, Song of the Thin Man is all about jazz, man. You hip to that? I hope so; unfortunately, I was not. Last time I did a classic movie review, I railed against Rebel Without A Cause for being too dated, and sadly, I’ll be busting out that broken record once again. Frankly, this movie is so dated that the kids in Rebel Without A Cause would think this movie is too square to be believed. What’s frustrating about Song of the Thin Man isn’t just that Nick and Nora are so hopelessly lost in the world of jazz. They’re shepherded around by a musician nicknamed the Clinker - and no, I can’t, for the life of me, remember why that is - whose main purpose in the film appears to be to talk in jazz-speak and then roll his eyes when Nick and Nora politely look like they want to wring his neck.

Also, one of the subplots in the film is…a bit odd, to be honest with you, and completely unfulfilled. Nick and Nora, after all these years of sleuthing, have had themselves a son, Nicky Junior. Too bad for them that Nicky Junior is being influenced negatively by all the crime his parents surround themselves with. In teaching him a lesson, or trying to, all Nick can do is wonder if he should actually spank his kid, reminiscing about all the good times they’ve had together. Did I mention that all of these reminiscences occur while Nicky is on Nick’s lap, waiting for the punishment? Did I mention that they appear on Nicky’s butt (by which I mean the images seem to pop up just as Nick’s about to spank the kid)? Yeah.

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