Take Five

By George Rose

November 18, 2009

You said you wouldn't order blood tonight. That poor waitress is still crying in terror.

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One of those super skanky roles was actually in a very funny movie, Idle Hands, though the reason I'm recommending it is not because of her or to showcase her career. After she decided to pretend she's a blond white woman in Fantastic Four (I'm not sure how the half-Mexican actress pulled that off after headlining the urban-themed Honey), which contributed to destroying one of my beloved Marvel franchises, I pretty much wrote her off. That was, until a few days ago. My buddy was playing an Offspring song on his computer and wanted to see if I knew who it was. I could picture the band but I couldn't remember their name. It was on the tip of my tongue but my friend, being the ever so lovable jerk he always is, made me feel like an idiot, claiming I had no idea who Offspring was. Music is his forte and movies are mine, so to prove him wrong I told him I definitely knew the song and band from a specific movie (they weren't famous for very long, so it's not as if there are endless options) and that if he could guess it I would admit to being the stupider of the two of us. He couldn't. Can you? Well, I'm not recommending Idle Hands right now because it's good for my health.

The movie stars Devon Sawa as Anton, a teenager whose right hand becomes possessed and uncontrollably starts killing his family and friends, though it's not sad attempt at a horror movie. The concept is given the comedy treatment, turning the hand's victims into the hilarious walking dead. His two friends, Pnub (Elden Henson) and Mick (Seth Green) provide the most laughs by exploiting the eccentricities of death. With their help and that of his neighborly love interest (Alba), they must stop Anton's severed hand from killing anyone else. Did I mention it's on prom night? Yeah, it's definitely a B-list high school comedy but it's extremely funny, especially if you're into horror movies or clever death sequences. If nothing else, it's a good way to remember Offspring.

Clash of the Titans (1981)

On a final note, I saw two wonderful things this week. One was Star Trek on Blu-Ray, which you should all go purchase immediately, and the other was the new trailer for the Clash of the Titans remake. Holy crap, does that movie look awesome. Anyone who has seen the original is sure to be blown away by the updated special effects and overall scale of the production, while anyone who has not seen the original is sure to take notice. The rock music in the background may dumb down the story a notch and position the movie for teenage boys, but the story is one that many will find interesting.


Clash of the Titans tells the Greek myth of Perseus (Harry Hamlin), son of Zeus, and how the hero advances through a series of quests in order to be with his love, Andromeda. Hindering his plans is Thetis, the ocean goddess whose son was once engaged to Andromeda. Thetis is in control of the Kraken, the ocean creature that will not be released should Andromeda be sacrificed. Because Perseus doesn't want his hot lady friend to be killed, he must decapitate Medusa and use her head to turn the Kracken into stone. Oh, the things people used to do for love. Now people are just lucky to get a "poke" on Facebook.

The film also stars Laurence Olivier, Claire Bloom, Maggie Smith, Ursula Andress, Judi Bowker and Susan Fleetwood. Most of those names don't mean much in today's Hollywood gossip world, but that shouldn't suggest it wasn't a great movie. Sure, the special effects are ancient but that's part of the camp-factor fun. Greek mythology tells the kinds of stories that are both deep enough to learn from and epic enough to enjoy. Who doesn't love watching titans battle super-powered beasts? I know I do, but that might be my blind devotion to all things mythological. My opinion might be skewed, as displayed by my unquestionable yet completely unreasonable love for the upcoming New Moon. It won't be the best movie ever but I'll still enjoy it immensely. The same goes for Clash of the Titans; it wasn't nominated for any Academy Awards, but it was a movie I happily remember watching several times with my family.

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