Take Five

By George Rose

October 21, 2009

But they can't even see her boobs like we can!

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The Hills Have Eyes (2006)

Okay, enough with the cross dressing humor. It's Halloween, not Gay Pride in New York. You don't want to laugh, you want to scream and run in terror! If you're looking for a good torture porn movie to watch (no, I don't mean the upcoming Saw VI), rent The Hills Have Eyes. In the summer of my third year of college, my friend had moved into a new apartment and I helped move him in. Afterwards, we were playing video games on his new flat screen TV and decided to watch a movie. Having missed it in theaters, we decided to rent The Hills Have Eyes. About halfway through the movie, a neighbor knocked on the front door. He was concerned because he heard the helpless screaming of a young girl coming from our apartment and wanted to make sure nobody was being abducted or hurt. My friend turned and looked at me, shook his head, and apologized to the neighbor. Still don't get it? I was that little girl.


Seriously, The Hills Have Eyes is one terrifying movie, which should come as no surprise since it's a remake of a Wes Craven film. The movie is about a normal suburban family that finds themselves lost in the middle of nowhere. Finding their way back to civilization and calling for help is no longer an option after they begin to be terrorized by a group of inbred desert dwellers. This plot has been done and redone a million times but I can't remember any of those films being as scary as this one. Wrong Turn? Nope, not even close. I can't recall the exact scene that caused such a reaction, but never before has a neighbor of mine come knocking on my door to make sure the screams they heard aren't from a tortured young girl. My friend still makes fun of me to this day for my sad display of masculinity. But c'mon, have you seen the movie? Body parts are ripped from limbs, a woman is raped by a birth defected freak, people start dropping like flies and blood runs rampant; The Hills Have Eyes is not for the faint of heart and is among the smarter selections of films to rent this haunted holiday season.

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