Selling Out

By Tom Macy

September 15, 2009

Like us, Tom Cruise gives thumbs up to Tony Scott.

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In the transitory phase between the season of the blockbuster and of the award there is always bit of a dead spot in the movie schedule that has been affectionately dubbed "the dumping ground". Labor Day weekend had Gamer and All About Steve, while this past weekend we had Whiteout, starring dumping ground veteran Kate Beckinsale, and generic slasher flick Sorority Row. I was going to write about 9, the closest thing to a recent release of some supposed substance. But when I realized that my thoughts could be summed up by saying it was a 79 minute film that's basically Fellowship of the Ring - Elijah Wood plays an unlikely hero that leads a group of 9 on a quest – except instead of various fictional races of fantasy they're all spawned from the Oogie Boogie man (the Nightmare Before Christmas villain made of fabric? You're all with me, right?), I figured I'd go another route.

So instead, on this given Sunday, I decided to turn to the small screen, which I felt was appropriate given the start of football season and its encouragement of sloth. But what about those who aren't sports fans? Shouldn't movie geeks be able waste hours on end staring at a box of light and sound too? Indeed. When it comes to movies, channel surfing on Sunday is off the hook (awkward white guy slang). It has an uncanny ability to provide a vast palate of films and moments over a short period that I've always found endlessly entertaining. So, I figured why not try an experiment and see what gems I can mine from this phenomenon? Again, this is a bit of an experiment, so bear with me. Without further ado, I give you a real-time, undoctored account of one full hour of Sunday channel surfing – only movies- in all its glory.

8:42 - Top Gun

Tom Cruise taking Kelly McGillis' breath away. We're off to a good start. What else we got?




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8:44 - The Matrix Reloaded

Ah, nothing like revisiting a movie you pretended to like because you were too disappointed to admit it sucked. Neo and Trinity getting it on, despite that "awesome" rave happening on that sound stage –er- Zion. (Ironically, between Reeves and Cruise, Keanu is the one that has "problems".)

8:45 - 300

Of course. Gerard Bulter's pointy beard and computer-aided six-pack make him a star.

8:46 - Ghost Rider

I don't know. I'll keep it in the background in case I run into some commercial holes. Nicolas Cage is wearing sunglasses and everyone – except me - has a straight face. Only in the movies.

8:48 - King Arthur

Wow. I totally forgot about this one. If only Gerard Bulter had let Clive Owen in on the air-brushed six-pack trick. That movie could have been successful.

8:51 - Gangs of New York

I remember hating this when it came out. I wonder if I still will. Leonardo DiCaprio begins his journey back into the spotlight, gracefully passing Cameron Diaz as she goes the opposite direction. This was the start of two annoying patterns for Leo: Starring in every Scorsese film and playing roles that feature an accent and facial hair, neither of which he good at. I'll check back later in hopes of seeing Daniel Day-Lewis and his giant hat (sounds like a Roald Dahl book title)


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