Take Five

By George Rose

September 9, 2009

Yeah, he's on a slow burn. Beware.

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The film is completely contrived, no fewer than 30 minutes too long, and ends before the only scene I really wanted to see. For a moment, when Washington calls his wife to let her know the scenario, she pleads with him to promise to come home and not get hurt. Bring home milk, she begs! They need milk and she needs him. This unknown actress got the biggest reaction out of me during the whole movie. Because of her, I actually wanted to see him bring home milk. And just before the credits roll, he walks up to the house with milk in hand. But since the movie is shot like a Grand Theft Auto trailer, Scott feels there is no point in showing their reunion. All we get is a fade away smile. Suddenly, Wolverine doesn't seem so bad.

Overall Rating: C-

Scream 3 (2000)

After learning I would have to pay $1,000 to be stranded in the Athens airport for 24 hours, I needed two things: to watch people die and to laugh. For the last article I watched Halloween: H20 and it re-inspired my love for late '90s horror. And if you want cheesy '90s horror that is both filled with death and laughter, Scream 3 is your best bet. None of the Scream movies are all that horrifying. There are cheap thrills and entertaining death sequences, but nothing that will keep me from sleeping. Their value comes mostly from the witty dialogue and mock-tones. Maybe I'm too old and numb to horror, or maybe the genre has just lost its luster, but if nothing else the Scream movies are fun to watch and just what I needed to start feeling better after contemplating my own mass murder spree among the Athens airport employees. They really just have no sympathy for stranded Americans.


The final entry in the original trilogy (a fourth movie is in the works, probably to stop Michael Bay from remaking them) is by far the funniest and for one main reason: Parker Posey. The first movie made fun of the genre, the second teased the notion that horror movies inspire killing sprees, and the third makes fun of Hollywood itself. Posey shines as an actress playing the Gale Weathers character in the movie-within-a-movie called Stab 3: Return to Woodsboro. This was the role that put her on my radar and I have enjoyed her ever since. She has the timing and look of a lady who should spend less time in indie features and more time headlining comedy. But enough about her, let's talk about the movie.

After leading lady Sydney Prescot has been hunted down and tormented twice, a new killer is on the loose. While the production of Stab 3 is in progress, those playing the parts begin dying in the order they die within the script. The problem is that there are three versions of the script, to help prevent the ending from leaking onto the Internet, so we aren't sure who will die next. That, and we aren't sure if the killer will go after the star acting in Stab 3 or the person the character is based off of. It's not like it matters, anyway; if you want stylized death you should probably go see The Final Destination in 3-D. If you want genuinely entertaining horror movies that helped redefine and rejuvenate the genre, the Scream movies are worth a look. But if you like horror, you've probably already figured that out for yourself.

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