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G.I. Joe: The Rise of the Joseph Gordon-Levitt may not have broken out to the tune of Optimus Prime, but the fact that its opening weekend was around $54 million despite being completely inept suggests that there's really something to this thing. Its success should certainly give a boost to He-Man (Dolph Lungren is turning in his grave... oh wait, he's still alive) and Thundercats, both already in development. It also means that a G.I. Joe sequel, barring an unheard of disaster in Rise of the Cobra's second weekend, is almost certainly on the precipice of being greenlighted. The movie was basically exposition with explosions anyway. So this craze shows no signs of slowing down.

Now you might think this saddens me. True, I revile these films and their poor construction and shameless, exploitative ways in order to make a quick buck. But I have a guilty reason for hoping these cartoon-to CGI party movies keep getting made. Because if enough '80s shows get snapped up to be on the big scree,n eventually they're going to get to one of my all time faves.
Dino Riders.

Is it just me? Do people remember this show? It was on for a very short time - 14 episodes - in 1988 as part of the Marvel Action Universe TV block that included Robo Cop, Spider-Man and, briefly, the X-Men. Dino-Riders was basically a launching pad for a Tyco toy line. A totally freaking awesome toy line. To this day I am insanely jealous of my cousin for getting the big brontosaurs for Christmas one year.

Seriously, this movie is a can't miss. Here's the pitch in three words. Dinosaurs with guns. Or if you want it in four, Jurassic Park meets Transformers. Come on! Steven Spielberg could produce (which would work twofold because then I could write my "What happened to Steven Spielberg" article upon the film's release).

The plot, which as I've already discussed has no bearing on what ends up in the actual film, follows the Valorians, telepathic long-haired Aryans (okay, there may have been one black guy), whose home world the was conquered by the Rulons, humanoid beings with shark-bug-lizard-like heads. A group of Valorian survivors escape via time travel to prehistoric Earth. A portion of the Rulon army followed them back in time. Once they realized they had all became trapped there, the Rulons enslave the dinosaurs with things called brain boxes that also somehow turn the Dinos' eyes red. They then use them in battle against the Valorians. The peaceful Valorians, by way of their telepathy, tame some of dinosaurs for domestic use. Oh, and ass-kicking!!!

You've got Dinosaurs, lasers, giant metal contraptions, time travel, space battles and the Valorians' powers that are basically the force. Box. Office. Gold. Now, you could point to Dragon Wars, a South Korean crap fest –reportedly, as I have not seen it - and say this has been done. It has some dragons with weapons on them or something like that. But even with no marketing and a September release, Dragon Wars made $75 million worldwide against a budget of $32 million. If anything I'd call that incentive to make Dino-Riders.

Sure, it would be expensive, but once again I remind you that it's dinosaurs with guns! So you can be darned sure I'm showing up for anything '80s in the near future. My Little Pony vs. Care Bears? Bring it on. And if things go really well, maybe eventually they'll start mining the '90s cartoons. Look out; here comes Captain Planet starring Al Gore.

This summer, Al Gore is gonna take pollution down to zero.

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