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Now using his alien powers for evil, Disney slowly began to tighten his grip on our planet over the ensuing decades as he implemented his master plan. Smartly, Disney's strategy was to take aim at the youth, knowing one day they would run things. To accomplish this, he constructed the ultimate battle station - a mighty fortress that sent out a massive tractor beam whose signal stretched over the entire world, drawing people through its doors where they were brainwashed and converted into Disney loyalists. Perhaps you've heard of this dark place. Maybe you've even been there. Yes, Disneyland is Walt Disney's Death Star. When all the groundwork was in place, Disney was "cryogenically frozen" so he could preserve his strength. He left control of the company to his Brother to carry out all the conversions. When the planet was ripe for conquering, Walt Disney would be awakened and assume his position as Dictator of...Disney World (very original).

All went according to plan as Disney took root by land - the stronghold in Orlando, sea - Disney cruise lines, and air - the male-entrancing brainwaves emitted by ESPN. But what Disney did not foresee was the arrival of Jobs, the Keanu Reeves of this story. Jobs came to Earth and immediately purchased Pixar in 1986 when it was is in its infancy as a small branch of Lucasfilm. Most likely they intended to use the company's unique powers for evil (one day I'll explain to you why George Lucas is Darth Vader). Utilizing Pixar's budding technology combined with his advanced alien knowledge of character development and narrative structure, Jobs showed Pixar how to maximize their efforts to develop films that would thwart Disney's plan for a world takeover that was going to begin with another wave of "golden age films," starting with The Little Mermaid. Jobs enlisted Tom Hanks, a relatively unknown actor. In exchange for being the voice of the lead character in their first film, Hanks was anointed with the ability to be endlessly appealing to audiences despite being not particularly attractive. Parenthetically, Jobs also doled Hanks out to his alien buddy Spielberg here and there. By the time Pixar was ready to launch their first offensive with Toy Story over ten years later, Pixar had a well known, unthreatening movie star introduce them to the world. Naturally this was the most gentle approach.

Fast forward to today. Thus far, the plan has worked. Pixar has successfully infiltrated the Disney Corporation and is a growing presence as well as a powerful influence. Since they now account for a significant portion of Disney's revenue, Pixar cannot be ignored. Some major battles have been won, the most substantial being the death of straight-to-DVD-sequels. And a major turning point could be on the horizon. On December 11th of this year, Disney will release The Princess and the Frog, the first 2-D cell animation film since Disney purchased Pixar. The deal was a Pixar tactic to get deeper inside Disney's infrastructure. The film will evoke Disney's hallowed golden age, now over 70 years ago, when Walt Disney first gave the world the gift of feature length animated film. If Frog is successful, it could mean Pixar has finally turned the tide and reinstated Disney as a force for good in the cinematic Universe. But until that day comes, they will remain at war. Pixar and Disney. The Autobots and the Decepticons. Robert De Niro's dignity and Robert De Niro.

Sooooo, that's my theory of why Up was so good and I defy you to come up with a better one.

On a side note, this whole thing might not make a bad movie in its own right. This summer things are going to get a little...animated. Get me Brett Ratner!

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