Selling Out

By Tom Macy

June 18, 2009

They're controlling us.

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You could also include Hitchcock, who rattled off Vertigo, North By Northwest, Psycho, and The Birds in quick succession between 1958-1963, but his hopes of achieving alien status were dashed when Marnie came out.

Of course, Spielberg changed the course of cinema by introducing the blockbuster with Jaws. But let's face it, with Close Encounters, ET, War of the Worlds and the random-ass ending to AI, who doesn't think he's an alien?

Then finally, there's Tom Hanks. From 1992, beginning with A League of their Own, to 2000 with Cast Away, Hanks went on an unparalleled hot streak that spanned several genres, won two Oscars, had 11 $100 million earners, and, drumroll...Pixar's first feature film, Toy Story. Coincidence? I don't think so.

But let's hold off on that for a second. These examples are all individuals. Pixar is an entire company, right? I thought that myself and decided to do some digging. What's another revolutionary company that has demonstrated overall excellence in recent decades? One whose products are consistently superior to its competitors? Look around - the answer is right in front you. That's right, Apple Computer. (I realize that many of you are using a computer other than Apple. My question to you is, why?) Think about it, Apple has singlehandedly changed the way we communicate. They're always two steps ahead of every other electronic developer on the planet. It's almost as if their technology were...alien. So, who's the founder of Apple Computer? Steve Jobs. Who's one of the CEOs of Pixar? Steve. Freaking. Jobs.




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That's right. Steve Jobs is an alien who has come to earth with the purpose of enriching our culture with products unparalleled in quality and aesthetics.

But that's not the whole story. This tale doesn't wrap up in a nice little bow. It has a dark side. Disney.

The most obvious comparison to Pixar's current display is Disney's Golden Age of cinema. From 1937-1942, Disney released Snow White, Pinocchio, Fantasia, Dumbo, and Bambi. Their feature length cell animated films were equally as revolutionary as Pixar's digitally animated films and, like Pixar, were like nothing audiences had ever seen. Given these facts, it's clear that Walt Disney is an alien and the Disney Corporation in indeed of another world. Conveniently, this puts Disney at the right time and place to wear Preston Sturges skin, obviously an abandoned experiment.

But what happened after 1942? Why did Disney not continue to bestow our civilization with their excellence and go on make Cinderella 3: A Twist in Time instead? Answer? They had a corrupt leader. Walt Disney went rogue. Here's how it all went down. Pearl Harbor occurred a month and a half after Dumbo was released. At this point, Disney was working on Bambi, the last film in of the Golden Age and Walt was still upstanding. But once the US entered World War II, Walt saw how recklessly self-destructive Earth creatures are. He realized that with his higher intellect, he could outsmart us and gain control of our planet. From this point on Walt Disney was hell bent on world domination. Incidentally, this change in attitude is probably is the reason for Bambi's mother's fate.


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