The Amazing Race Recap

This Is How You Lose a Million Dollars

By Kim Hollis and David Mumpower

May 10, 2009

They're better at this than you.

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Test your knowledge of this season's TAR with How Well Do You Know: The Amazing Race 14

Previously on The Amazing Race, some woefully unfit beekeepers were eliminated right off the bat. Wait, was that this season? No, this year saw a bunch of married couples display all of the love and support of O.J. Simpson on their way to berating one another all of the way up until elimination. The end result is that the only truly likable team, Amanda & Kris, have been out of the competition for a couple of months now. We've been stuck with a bunch of jerks whose primary purpose in life seems to be reminding the world why America is so unpopular abroad these days.

With the elimination of Kisha & Jen last week, we are left with three teams. Victor and Tammy, easily the best duo this season, have won four out of ten legs and have finished in the top three in every leg but one. We disliked them earlier in the competition when Victor came down with a bad case of Transylvania Psychosis, and we have worried about their lack of ethics a time or two. To their credit, they have settled down as they have gotten deeper into the race and now find themselves as what passes for good guys.


The opposite is true of Margie & Luke, a team about whom I found nothing to dislike during the first episode. In the interim, Luke has turned into a drama queen with his mother enabling him every step of the way. He needs to grow up and she needs to stop treating him with kid (no pun intended) gloves. Meanwhile, their allies, Jaime and Cara, are the Jekyll and Hyde of the competition. Cara is a seemingly nice young woman who has been absolutely mortified by her companion at least a dozen times already. Jaime is a total bitch whom we have dubbed The Amazing Racist for her grotesque behavior, particularly in China. If they win, we're going to petition CBS to give all of the money to Cara then shoot Jaime out of a cannon. Into a wall. Lined with dynamite.

Summarizing: go Victor & Tammy!

To start the final leg of the race, we have Extreme Bunching. The teams are told to journey to Maui, Hawaii, and all three of them are on the same flight, of course. The producers of the Amazing Race couldn't have any one team break out to a big advantage. The flight takes 18 hours, and once they arrive, they are instructed to change into bathing suits and prepare a pig for a traditional island luau. It's pretty gross, really. We've seen this sort of thing done on Anthony Bourdain's No Reservations, and it looked a lot better then. The hardest part of this challenge seems to be carrying the pig from the preparation point to the barbecue stage. The pig is quite heavy, which means that even though Victor & Tammy break out to an early lead, Margie & Luke are able to pass them because Tammy is somewhat lacking in physical strength. Cara is struggling even worse, though, which makes us wonder if Jaime might not just kill her right there on the beach. She berates her teammate constantly, saying, "This is how you lose a million dollars." This quote is also the title of the race. We're not exaggerating when we say that we discussed who we thought would be the person to utter this line, and were certain it would be Jaime. Way to prove us right!

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