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Twenty-two people are running and I hate all of them, 16 of which are for legitimate reasons. The contestants of Season 14 discover that they will be traveling to Switzerland with their travel choices being either Lufthansa or Air France. We cut to the automobiles the players drive to the airport and all of them express yes, amazement at the idea of being a contestant on the race. The most adorable of these is Luke, who signs excitedly to the camera, "We're on The Amazing Race!" He's making himself ever so hard to hate.

A promise has been made by the producers of The Amazing Race for Season 14. They swear not to spend an inordinate amount of team on airport sequences since everyone rightfully despises them for being so boring. Almost no one winds up spending all the money they will need for the next leg on overpriced tennis shoes. Without moments of stupidity such as that, airport scenes are every bit as entertaining as hanging out at the actual airport, and they don't even offer the excitement of being interrogated as a potential terrorist threat by the good people at Homeland Security. It's bad television, pure and simple.

Keeping this in mind, the twin trips to Zurich and Milan largely pass without incident. A few contenders are shown debating the choices, but the entire segment is largely a wash. Kisha and Jen demonstrate a bit of forward thinking as they announce to the camera that their research uncovers the trip from Milan to Locarno, Switzerland as being a shorter one than Zurich. Other than this bit of strategy, almost all of the dialogue shown is of the "getting to know you" variety wherein the viewer becomes more familiarized with the motley crew of contenders. This leads to the following nugget of biographical confusion.

"I think the other teams might think my dad is Cloris Leachman but he's really MacGyver." - Mike White, making an utterly inscrutable comment about either network television or parenthood or both.

I spent a lot more time trying to figure out what that could possibly mean than I would like to admit. In the end, I had to wash my hands of it as it is as unknowable as who built the pyramids, what happened to the Roanoke Colony, and how Paul Walker continues to get acting gigs. I was happy to discover that Cloris Leachman is still alive and hearty at the tender age of 82. The actor who played MacGyver is also alive but judging by that horrible Pepsi commercial during the Super Bowl, his career is not. Sorry, Patty and Selma, it's true.

In Europe, home of all those people who despise any and all Americans, Preston and Jennifer discuss the fact that she has never in her life been in a train station. She manages to continue that streak as they become the only team to miss the first train out of Zurich. Considering the fact that the train station is physically located inside the airport, this is a rather amazing feat of hopeless wandering. They handle it like pros, though. Preston only threatens to beat Jennifer within an inch of her life rather than actually physically striking her. Valentine's Day was specifically invented for them. Of this I am sure.

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