Take Five
By George Rose
July 14, 2009
Mallrats (1995) – also watched/written on July 12, 2009
Seriously, I'm in a foreign country and have decided to spend this gorgeous day inside watching two movies and writing about them. It is my absolute goal to not bump into this cougar of mine on the beach, since I know she has the day off from work and is likely searching for me. I've already ignored two of her calls. I can return to working on my tan and drinking like a fish in the morning, and will have all week to venture out without fear of being attacked by her boy-hungry lips. I'd rather bump into Jaws at this point.
The second movie of the day was Mallrats. I have seen Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back many times and am a fan of the duo but never got around to watching Mallrats because it was my impression they were merely cameos. I was pleasantly surprised to see they have much larger roles and that the movie, despite my fear that it would suck due to Shannen Doherty's presence, is actually rather funny. It's not Kevin Smith's best work but it explains why the director has been given additional opportunities to explore his creativity.
Mallrats follows two couples after recent breakups: TS (Jeremy London) and Brandi (Claire Forlani), and Brodie (Jason Lee) and Rene (Doherty). Brandi's father runs an uninspired dating television show called "Truth or Date", which is expecting to tape a show live at the local mall. After the female contestant is told by TS that the television cameras add weight, she gets her insecure butt into a pool and eventually dies from the overly strenuous exercise. This is a comedy, right? It's all for the sake of the setup, because now Brandi must fill the role of the contestant on her father's show, a man that is eager to see his daughter find a boyfriend other than TS.
TS's best friend, Brodie, is in a similar situation, even though he had no part in someone's death. Instead, he is just a lazy comic book nerd who cannot please Rene. This man-boy thinks comics, Sega and farting during fellatio are enough to win her over, but Rene begs to differ. She immediately begins dating a 33-year-old clothing store manager named Shannon (Ben Affleck), who has recently slept with a 15-year-old girl. All their relationships are this sort of random and outrageous, but all tied together with funny misadventures starring... you guess it... Jay and Silent Bob, the most rewarding part of the film.
All of these connections are explained and complained about in a style that would make Kevin Williamson (Dawson's Creek, the Scream trilogy, etc.) proud, but if it weren't for the many irrelevant, hilarious sketches dropped between these "plot points", I'm not so sure it'd be worth following. A man who can't see "the secret picture", a nudist fortune teller with three nipples, Silent Bob's attempts at Jedi mind tricks, the assault of the Easter Bunny and failed attempts at destroying the "Truth or Date" stage are just a few of the gags, all of which help to make the movie worth the time it takes to reach its conclusion. Naturally, the film ends with the dating show, where TS and Brodie are now contestants.
Continued:
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
Print this column
