How to Spend $20
By David Mumpower
June 5, 2007
For people who chew a lot of tobacco and several cars that don't have tires: Larry the Cable Guy: Morning Constitutions
The guy is from Nebraska, people. He went to prep school there. Somehow, though, he speaks with a deeper southern drawl than I do and I've lived in Tennessee all my life. You do the math. Give the fraud more money if you want. If you think he is funny, however, I have but one small request. Please don't breed.
For Scary Spice: Norbit (Full Frame)
I wonder who was fatter: Eddie Murphy during principal photography of this movie or Scary Spice when she was pregnant with his love child. Given that Murphy refuses to step up and acknowledge paternity of the baby, I know which one of them was classier during that period in their lives. Sure, Murphy might have been willing to slam her body down and wind it all around. He even might have given her a zigazig ha or two. But in the end, he was not able to get his act together, so they were not just fine. Such is the tragedy of celebrity romance.
Murphy's work in Norbit earned $95.3 million, but it came with a price. The embarrassment of the thought of an Academy Award winner wearing a fat suit was too scary for Oscar voters. The former Saturday Night Live player had been considered a near-mortal lock, but the release of Norbit screwed him with the benefactor in this being even Best Supporting Actor winner Alan Arkin. I suspect that Scary Spice bribed a few accountants in order to tamper with the results, though.
For Eddie Murphy as a consolation prize for not winning the Oscar: The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert (Extra Frills Edition)
You can give all of these guys a ride home if you want, Eddie. No one is judging you...well, not judging for this. Your professional and personal issues, on the other hand, are still putting you in the cross hairs of our finger-wagging society. Priscilla, Queen of the Desert is a movie wherein Patrick Swayze spends all day and night trying to look FAB-U-LOUS. No wait, that's To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar. It's been a dozen years yet I still get those two confused. This one has Agent Smith wearing mascara, which might be cause enough to give it a look. Do you think V is an autumn or a summer? It's hard to tell since he wears so much make-up his face is basically a porcelain mask.
For people who don't mind when a cast has stopped trying: Seinfeld: Season 8 (4-DVD Set)
There was a time when this show was funny. That time was 1993. By season 8, Seinfeld story lines had scraped the bottom of the barrel to the point that plots involving muffin tops and millennium parties are central to episodes. At this point, pretty much every television critic in the industry turned on the show. Something odd happened at this point, though. Completely out of nowhere, the Seinfeld staff came up with their best idea for a storyline since the show's heyday and yada yada yada, that almost makes this disc worth buying. The Yada Yada is pretty much the only episode beyond season five that has held up over time. Whether you believe it's worth $30 to get the box set in order to own this episode is your call.
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