How to Spend $20
By David Mumpower
June 5, 2007
BoxOfficeProphets.com
In 1977, Erik Estrada was one of the most popular actors in the world. Thirty years later, he's still one of the most popular punchlines ever, joining other such television luminaries as Mr. T, Richard Grieco and the dead midget from Fantasy Island. Of course, it could be worse. He could be the blond motorcycle cop from the show whose name no one remembers, even Mrs. Larry Wilcox. CHiPs does have some cultural significance in that it was one of the first shows to showcase a Latin heartthrob, simultaneously guaranteeing Estrada frequent work on Mexican soap operas. How he hasn't leveraged this popularity into a hosting gig on Sabado Gigante, I have no idea. Maybe if he got a boob job?
For Joe Torre in 3...2...1...: Fired
This is one of my favorite movie ideas in recent memory. An actress named Annabelle Gurwitch was fired by Woody Allen, which is roughly similar to a priest being personally fired by God. In order to cope with her emotional devastation, she embarked upon a documentary interview process through which she proved she was not alone. The end result is that celebrities such as Harry Shearer, Sarah Silverman, Tim Allen, David Cross, Fred Willard, Andy Dick and Tate Donovan are coaxed into describing their most memorable terminations. Dick's story alone should be justification for at least a rental of this. I'm going to be so disappointed if his story doesn't at least involve goats, an ax and a Cirque Du Soleil troupe.
Also for Joe Torre in 3...2...1...: The Fall Guy: The Complete First Season (6-DVD Set)
What can I say? I'm a closet Red Sox fan. At least I was before everyone and their mother on the East coast decided they were around game 6 of 2004's ALCS. In addition, I am also a not-so-closeted fan of Lee Majors. Seriously, I loved him as a boy and my Six Million Dollar Man stunt car was my favorite toy as a child. The first comedic sound effect I remember making was the bionic sound effect from the show. When Lee Majors married Farrah Fawcett, I realized that even as a small boy, my dream in life was to be Lee Majors. I never quite grew out of this and was forcibly reminded of it when Majors was a guest star on Jake 2.0 a few years ago.
In the interim, there was The Fall Guy, a mediocre but generally enjoyable television show about a stunt man who managed to solve mysteries and fight crime in his spare time while working as a bounty hunter. Sure, it was run-of-the-mill 1980s television and I would argue that each episode peaked with the theme song ("I'm the unknown stuntman who makes Eastwood look so fine.")...unless Heather Thomas was in a bikini that week, which happened a statistically improbable amount for a bounty hunter. The Fall Guy lasted over 100 episodes using the same basic formula: Lee Majors is charismatic, gets beaten up, feels humbled, then plots and attains revenge. It's hardly novel television but I have watched re-runs within the past few years and it holds up better than I had expected, mainly due to Majors' personality.
For people who chew a lot of tobacco and several cars that don't have tires: Larry the Cable Guy: Morning Constitutions
The guy is from Nebraska, people. He went to prep school there. Somehow, though, he speaks with a deeper southern drawl than I do and I've lived in Tennessee all my life. You do the math. Give the fraud more money if you want. If you think he is funny, however, I have but one small request. Please don't breed.
For Scary Spice: Norbit (Full Frame)
I wonder who was fatter: Eddie Murphy during principal photography of this movie or Scary Spice when she was pregnant with his love child. Given that Murphy refuses to step up and acknowledge paternity of the baby, I know which one of them was classier during that period in their lives. Sure, Murphy might have been willing to slam her body down and wind it all around. He even might have given her a zigazig ha or two. But in the end, he was not able to get his act together, so they were not just fine. Such is the tragedy of celebrity romance.
Murphy's work in Norbit earned $95.3 million, but it came with a price. The embarrassment of the thought of an Academy Award winner wearing a fat suit was too scary for Oscar voters. The former Saturday Night Live player had been considered a near-mortal lock, but the release of Norbit screwed him with the benefactor in this being even Best Supporting Actor winner Alan Arkin. I suspect that Scary Spice bribed a few accountants in order to tamper with the results, though.
For Eddie Murphy as a consolation prize for not winning the Oscar: The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert (Extra Frills Edition)
You can give all of these guys a ride home if you want, Eddie. No one is judging you...well, not judging for this. Your professional and personal issues, on the other hand, are still putting you in the cross hairs of our finger-wagging society. Priscilla, Queen of the Desert is a movie wherein Patrick Swayze spends all day and night trying to look FAB-U-LOUS. No wait, that's To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar. It's been a dozen years yet I still get those two confused. This one has Agent Smith wearing mascara, which might be cause enough to give it a look. Do you think V is an autumn or a summer? It's hard to tell since he wears so much make-up his face is basically a porcelain mask.
For people who don't mind when a cast has stopped trying: Seinfeld: Season 8 (4-DVD Set)
There was a time when this show was funny. That time was 1993. By season 8, Seinfeld story lines had scraped the bottom of the barrel to the point that plots involving muffin tops and millennium parties are central to episodes. At this point, pretty much every television critic in the industry turned on the show. Something odd happened at this point, though. Completely out of nowhere, the Seinfeld staff came up with their best idea for a storyline since the show's heyday and yada yada yada, that almost makes this disc worth buying. The Yada Yada is pretty much the only episode beyond season five that has held up over time. Whether you believe it's worth $30 to get the box set in order to own this episode is your call.
For Katherine Heigl and Seth Rogen's characters in Knocked Up: Fail-Safe
I did a DVD review of this last week if you want further details. The short version is that this disc is highly recommended.
For Buffy fans still trying to fill the void in a way comic books never could: Hex The Complete First Season
As has been referenced on BOP's favorite British show, Spaced, Buffy the Vampire Slayer is wildly popular in the UK. This program is a bit of eccentric scion of Joss Whedon's creation with the key difference being that Hex ramps up the drama rather than the comedy. It also ramps up the girl/girl quotient right at the start rather than making viewers wait until season five. God bless them.
Hex tells the story of Cassie Hughes, a bi-curious high school student whose best friend and roommate, Thelma, has made it perfectly clear that Cassie could have her for a song. Or a meal. Or a wink. She's not that picky, and the depth of her devotion to Cassie is displayed by the end of the pilot episode. The relationship between the two women is strained by the appearance of Azazeal, a powerful supernatural being who is leader of the Biblical fallen angels. It is revealed that in order for the leader of the Nephilim to survive, he must receive the occasional willing sacrifice. It's always something with these supernatural types, isn't it?
Azazeal claims to be drawn to Cassie, because she has started to demonstrate special abilities of her own, including telekinesis. While she is wildly attracted to the man, she is conflicted because taking up with him would make her quite the tease to Thelma, whom she has effectively promised eventual intimacy. The matter is further complicated by the fact that her mother is in a mental institution and there is reason to believe that it was Azazeal's seduction that drove the woman mad in the first place. Why do good girls like bad boys?
Where Hex excels is in its daring nature and willingness to surprise. During the ten episodes included in the Complete First Season boxed set, a couple of shocking twists unfold that I guarantee will make the viewer think, "Wow, why doesn't American television do more of this?" Hex as a compilation doesn't divide well in that season one is only six episodes whereas season two, the final batch of new content, has 13 episodes. In order to introduce North American audiences to the premise and some of the better surprises in the show, a decision was made by BBC America to show half the episodes last summer then air the rest of them this year. This disc compilation follows the same pattern. Ten episodes are included, meaning that all of season one plus roughly a third of season two comprises this package.
Hex is probably not for everyone, but Buffy fans and fans of BBC television in particular should give this a try. Hex: The Complete First Season is a title I consider to be a must-buy day one release, making it the clear cut choice for DVD of the week.