On the Big Board |
| Position |
Staff |
In Brief |
| 182/196 |
Max Braden |
Foul, pointless humor. I keep hoping to find something funny in these spoofs. |
What fresh Hell is this, you ask? The answer is Disaster Movie, the latest unimaginative cash grab from the Hollywood wizards who brought you one of the worst films of 2006, Date Movie, one of the worst films of 2007, Epic Movie, and one of the worst films of 2008, Meet the Spartans. 2009 Academy Awards, here we come!
What is Disaster Movie? Oh, come on. I refuse to spoon feed you like this. You know the types of movies that will be “satirized” here just as you know that the “satire” will largely involve frame-by-frame recreations of the original, vastly superior films. It’s what these people do. Clearly, they must be stopped yet there you sit, reading your computer. You could be out getting the appropriate weapons training that could allow you to sit on the top of that roof across the street from the production office. You could be pulling that trigger right now, splattering heads like they are watermelons at a Gallagher show. But you do nothing. Ergo, the horror continues.
Why will we get another one of these movie? Well, other than your munitions training failures (seriously, I’m just as disappointed in you as your parents are), these things make money. This news is pathetic, but it’s true. Date Movie made $48.5 million against a $20 million production budget, Epic Movie earned $39.7 million on a $20 million budget and Meet the Spartans earned $38.2 million against a $30 million budget. So, until you learn from past mistakes, Fox is going to keep punishing you for your ignorance. Have some pride this time. Don’t be that guy who thinks, “Ooh, I haven’t seen Carmen Electra in anything in almost five days!” We’re counting on you, man. If I am writing about Not-Cloverfield Monster Movie at this time next year, it’s going to be me on the rooftop in the building across the street from you. (David Mumpower/BOP)
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