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After watching the first leg of The Amazing Race: All-Stars, I became verklempt. Excuse me while I compose myself...here's a topic to consider...The Amazing Race: All-Stars is neither amazing nor all-starred...discuss amongst yourselves.

This throw back to Linda Richmond's Coffee Talk seems appropriate given all the New Yawkers gracing this installment of TAR, and especially given the first team eliminated. But before we get to the particulars of the uninspired leg that led to a truly disappointing elimination, let's start at the very beginning, which I've heard is a very good place to start.

Phil has gathered 11 teams of "All-Stars" in Miami to race one more time around the world for $1 million. The teams invited back are, in order of their initial appearances...

Bill and Joe (aka Team Guido) Season One's villains are back, a little older; initially, at least, a little less cocky, but just as color coordinated. They even recreated their signature "toast" in the opening credits. Initial Final placement: Third Place.

Kevin and Drew (The Frat Guys) If Bill and Joe were the villains of Season One, these guys were the comic relief. They are also a little older and a lot more out of shape. The duo is the first of several prominent New Yawkers in the installment, and definitely don't seem to be all that psyched to be back. Initial Final Placement: Fourth Place

Danny and Oswald (Team Cha Cha) Fan favorites from Season Two, these friends are back together after having a falling out. They mended their fences before being invited on the race, and already seem to be back in their grove. Final Placement: Fourth Place

Terri and Ian: Their second place finish in Season Three makes them the oldest team to place that high. Ian has a fiery personality that was off-putting at first, but he grew on viewers by the end of the race. Plus, he had hats and looked ridiculous in them. And, the hats are back!! Initial Final Placement: Second Place

Jon Vito and Jill: Season Three's couple to root for is back. They were dating then, but broke up in the interim. They comment that they are looking forward to the race to see if they can become close again. The quintessential New Yawk team...straight out of Staten Island, with a significant connection to 9/11 forming the basis of their relationship (Jill's brother, who was Jon Vito's best friend, worked for Cantor Fitzgerald and died that day; they started dating thereafter). Initial Final Placement: Fifth Place

Charla and Mirna: What would an all star edition of TAR be without "Little Person" Charla? Unfortunately, inviting back Charla meant inviting back her truly annoying cousin Mirna. Her Season Five clashes with eventual winner Colin were classic, and she's sure to have a combustible relationship with someone like Rob. Initial Final Placement: Sixth Place

Uchenna and Joyce: Season Seven's winners, they are best known for Joyce shaving her head in a Fast Forward challenge. The married couple's initial hook was that they wanted to win so that they could apply their prize money towards their continuing quest to have a baby. They are still trying, and apparently, this is a strain on their relationship. They are filling the obligatory "couple testing their relationship" slot in TAR:AS. Initial Final Placement: First Place.

Rob and Amber: Seriously, do I need to tell you who they are? The fact that their listed occupations on the CBS website are "television personalities" says it all. Initial Final Placement on Season Seven: Second Place

Eric and Danielle: These guys raced in Season Nine with different partners. Danielle, of the infamous Double D's – a Staten Island pair of best friends who wore pink and looked and sounded alike (her friend's name was even Dani!) – finished in ninth place. Eric, who with his friend Jeremy, horndogged their way into second place, started dating Danielle after meeting on the race. The only new pairing of the bunch. Initial Final Placement: Him - Second; Her - Ninth Place

Dustin and Kandice (The Beauty Queens): Season Ten's beauty queens are back to show everyone just how competitive they can be. And by "show everyone", I mean constantly mention it during their interview segments on the show. One of them got married during the short break between Season Ten's finish and the start of this installment (I know it was Dustin, but I'm already conceding another season of getting them confused). Initial Final Placement: Fourth Place

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