New at BOP: Review: Matrix Resurrections Movie Review: Moonfall Movie Reviews: Scream The #1 Movie in America November Forecast The Many Saints of Newark October Forecast New Trivia Question All site updates Share & Save   Tweet Print this column

Welcome to Leg 5 of The Amazing Race, now a little less gay (come on, you didn't think I'd wouldn't go there).

We last left our teams in an absolutely gorgeous part of Vietnam - Rob and Kimberly in first, Dustin and Kandice in last. The aforementioned lead team gets their clue at 1:47 a.m., which instructs them to fly to Chennai, India. Ahhhh, India! The India stop is always good for some tough tasks and some awesome meltdowns. The teams must take a train to Hanoi and purchase tickets through a travel agency. Each of the teams leave, and the editors subject us to interviews that are really getting tired - Rob and Kimberly are trying to decide if they belong together; Sarah is seeing the real Peter; the models are recovering addicts, blah, blah, blah. The Cho brothers are wearing shirts that have Phil's picture emblazoned on them with the word "LOST" right above it. Awesome. The beauty queens are a full two hours behind the lead team. That two hour deficit is erased at the train station, as the first train doesn't leave until 5 a.m.

On the train, the Backpack alliance is sharing information, which leads Peter to (a) try to ingratiate himself with that group and (b) attempt to form an alliance with Dustin and Kandice. In one of the more stupid moves, the Cho brothers pull out a fake cell phone to pretend call a travel agent. So, with limited packing space, these guys have packed water guns and a fake phone. Okaaaaaaaay. Anyway, the gimmick leads Peter to search out a phone, which allows his team and Dustin and Kandice to insure that there was is a travel agent waiting for them at a specific hotel. Had the backpack alliance actually had a phone, they would have realized the agency they were heading to moved. There is a whole bunch of air travel ticket purchasing stress/strategy, the upshot of which is that Rob and Kimberly and Tyler and James are on one flight, which leaves first; the Backpack alliance is one the second flight, but only the Wins have a confirmation all the way to Chennai, with the Lyns and Mary and David needing to book their passage to Chennai when they arrive in Delhi; and Peter and Sarah and the beauty queens on the third flight. While waiting for their flight, Peter does a pretty offensive imitation of David and Mary, much to the amusement of Sarah, Dustin and Kandice. The beauty queens are not showing much poise and grace at this particular moment.

When Peter and Sarah and the beauty queens end their first leg in Bangkok, they manage to find a earlier connecting flight to Chennai, so despite the fact that they were supposed to get into Chennai last, they get in first. The rest of teams meet up in Delhi airport, with the Chos, Rob and Kimberly and the models confirmed and boarding on the flight to Chennai. The Lyns are on the waiting list for this flight and manage to get on. David and Mary are blocked from that flight, but get on another plane that gets in thirty minutes later.

The teams must take a bus to the town of Mamallapuram. The beauty queens get to the destination first, only to find that the store where there clue is being held is closed until 11:30 a.m. In a classic ugly American moment, Kimberly states she would rather be in Europe, as she wants to be "with the rich folk." You know, I don't believe that the TAR production staff ever promised that this was a race around the affluent parts of the world, with racers only having contact with the hoi polloi. Really, get over yourself, Kimberly. The store opens with Dustin and Kandice and Peter and Sarah as the only teams there, and they receive their detour clue which is a choice between "wild things" and "wild rice." In wild things, the teams need to travel nine miles to an crocodile bank where they are to help wranglers secure a crocodile and carry it to a new pit. In wild rice, the teams travel 200 yards to a temple where they must use rice-dyed powder to color in an intricate design using a model as a guide. Both of the lead teams chose the croc detour.

The crocodile wrangling consists of putting bands around the croc's snout, tying him to a stretcher with rope and then carrying him to the next pit. The teams them must remove the rope, untie the bands and free the croc. Despite the obvious dangers, each team that chooses this task completes it rather easily. Peter and Sarah finish first and get their next clue which instructs them to travel back to Chennai by bus. When there, they must find a driving school, where their next clue is waiting.

In what is this episode's moment of Ass, Peter and Sarah have heated discussion after just missing a bus. Peter had been yelling at Sarah to move faster just a moment before (I assume he would characterize his tone as encouraging her, rather than yelling at her). Sarah somewhat defensively states she couldn't move any faster. Peter indicates that he can either be fast and aggressive or, as he puts it, he can "downshift" and "not be aggressive." Sarah rightly points out that there is a middle ground; that he can be as aggressive as her disability will allow them to be. Peter doesn't want to work on reaching that middle ground, because he likes who he is This whole discussion takes place while Peter is chewing with his mouth open. As far as I'm concerned, this is Peter in his worst light – he's basically saying that if Sarah can't keep up with his high expectations, he'll just coast and not try. How this is supportive of his teammate is beyond me. Sarah may break down and freak out about tasks, but I think she's trying as hard as she can to be competitive and work with Peter. I don't see that from him at all. Anyway, Dustin and Kandice end up joining them at the bus stop.

The Chos and the Lyns get their clue and decide to do the painting task, despite the fact that their first reaction was it would take a long time and it was hot. Rob and Kimberly choose the crocs. The Chos and the ‘Bama girls switch tasks and are off to the crocs too. There is too much task switching in this season...you need to pick a task, pick wisely and stick to it. You bleed time by starting and switching. Tyler and James pick the painting task because they see the Wins and the Lyns heading into the croc task and are under the impression that it is first come, first serve, which is not the case. The Backpack alliance, sans David and Mary, catch up to Rob and Kimberly on the bus to Chennai.

The lead teams get to their next destination, where they pull a roadblock that involves taking a driving test to get an Indian drivers license. The class portion of the task is hilarious, complete with instructions to honk a toy horn when you see children or animals on the road. Like a horn a clown would use in the circus. The driving portion is on the roads in Chennai, which are congested with cars, tuk-tuks, people and animals. The traffic also travels on the left hand side of the road. It seems harrowing. Peter takes the roadblock, he finishes without much difficulty and gets the clue which informs them to drive their driving school cars (with their instructor) ten miles to the next pit stop. He and Sarah check in as Team #1, and win exercise equipment. Dustin takes the driving task for her team, and they arrive at the pit stop as Team #2. Rob takes the task for his team and he and Kimberly leave the driving school as the Chos and the Lyns are just getting there. These teams finish the driving task within seconds of each other. Rob and Kimberly are Team #3.

In the meantime, Tyler and James finish the painting task and head off for the bus to Chennai. Sometime later, David and Mary do the same. Erwin and Godwin check in as Team #4. Of course, Phil asks about the shirts, which on closer inspection have the words "Reward: Bushel of Kiwis" underneath Phil's picture. Phil informs the Chos that he's not a fan of the picture on the shirts. Lyn and Karlyn are Team #5. After Tyler does the driving task, they check in as Team #6. David and Mary must be very far behind, because it is night when they get to the driving task and it was daylight when the models checked in. David takes the task, which if they are not eliminated is going to be a problem in the future. David has done four roadblocks to Mary's one. They check in as the last team, but this is indeed the first non-elimination leg. There's a new twist this year. David and Mary hold on to their possessions and money, which eliminates the really obnoxious begging that took place in previous seasons. The new twist is that David and Mary are "marked for elimination", meaning they must come in first or there will be a 30 minute penalty from when they check in. This is an inspired change in the rule – it's a real consequence for coming in last on the non-elimination leg, but it does allow teams to get out from under the penalty if they work hard and get lucky. The Kentucky team is going to have to do something they haven't really done thus – which is really put the pedal to the metal and RACE.