How to Spend $20
By David Mumpower
May 18, 2005
Taking a look ahead at the week's DVD releases is always dicey for your wallet. Nearly every week, there's a disc that would fit nicely into any size collection. When it comes time to decide what to buy, there are really two determining factors: how much you love the content and the quality of the extra features on the disc. The massive unreleased studio (film and television) back-catalogue means that every week there's likely something for every film fan.
For people who love ironic titles: Kobe Bryant: One Love
The DVD is a highlight reel of the basketball player's greatest moments on the court. The title of the film indicates that someone in the NBA market is either thoughtless to a point of fault or the possessor of a deliciously subversive sense of humor.
For people who like their women menopaused and frisky: the Golden Girls: the Complete Second Season
Depending on one's perspective, this show is either the antithesis or the fraternal twin of South Park. The potty-mouthed cartoon takes the angle that adult humor works best when the jokes come out of the mouths of babes. The NBC staple takes the angle that adult humor works best when the jokes come out of the mouths of very, very old babes. The single note nature of the show is that a group of Floridian retirees, you know the kind who could not master the Butterfly Ballot, are every bit as horny as your average Real World cast.
If the thought of old women talking about their voracious sexual appetites wets your comedy whistle, well, I feel a bit sorry for you, but to each their own. I hated this show with a passion and give it three thumbs down on my TiVo grading at every opportunity. The fact that the score is only taken once is irrelevant to me. It's the performance of the Triple Thumbs Down act itself which pleases me.
For Star Wars seeking a significant step up in value for their entertainment dollar: The Simpsons: Bart Wars
Never one to miss a marketing opportunity, Fox Home Entertainment jumps the gun a bit on the August release of season six on DVD. Their idea is capitalize on the hype for Episode III by separating greasy fanboys from their entertainment dollars. The way this is done is by marketing a Star Wars based show involving Mark Hamill along with three other Simpsons episodes, none of which have anything to do with the George Lucas franchise.
The entropy fan in me has enjoyed all of the wailing complaints from Star Wars readers about the brazenly crass commercialism of the idea. As a person who loves The Simpsons, maybe too much, and who considers Star Wars to be the most overhyped tripe since Gone with the Wind, I am all for this.
Best of all, this DVD delivers one of my all-time favorite episodes. The Secret War of Lisa Simpson, a full year earlier than I had expected. The finale from season eight which sees Lisa joins a previously all-male military institution is almost certainly the only sitcom show ever to mention the Terra Cotta Warriors of Xi'an. How can a person not love such an arcane historical reference? If it's that vs. another embarrassing Star Wars prequel, the choice is obvious. Also, the Simpsons disc only costs about $11 at Amazon. Score!
For people who remember an era when live action sitcoms did not all suck: Cheers Season 5
I can't explain exactly why I wind up subbing for Les Winan every time a Cheers compilation is released, but it certainly seems to work out that way. As I have said before, Cheers is quite possibly the perfect sitcom. Truly, this was television's first dramedy in its early years. Over time, the show evolved into a much broader comedy. The heightened levity stemmed from the departure of Shelley Long from the show. Season five happens to be the chain of events that lead to her moving along. As such, it's not quite as funny as later seasons involving the vastly superior Kirstie Alley, but it does have the most character development for Sam Malone of any season. Also, the most recognized slapstick humor in the show's run occurs in this DVD set. Thanksgiving Orphans is the comedy classic which sees the bar denizens meet at Carla's house on the holiday. The day's events lead to a foodfight showdown which never fails to crack me up. This is a must-own season for Cheers fans.
For people who want to remember a time before Melissa Joan Hart was a desperate media whore: Clarissa Explains It All
In the early 1990s, Nickelodeon finally found its footing as a cable channel. Key to their success was this tongue-in-cheek look at the trials and tribulations of young teenagers. So successful was the idea that Disney shamelessly ripped it off with the later Lizzie Maguire, simplistic hit show for the breathlessly anticipating puberty set. Both shows were huge hits with generally positive critical reviews. Each was harmless, breezy and well-intended.
Clarissa Explains It all was anchored by Melissa Joan Hart, a seemingly decent 15-year-old girl. She had the comic timing of a seasoned pro, which is not surprising considering she had already appeared in over 20 commercials by the age of five. Thanks to solid Nickelodeon marketing, the show became a hit. Hart leveraged this success into a TGIF show on ABC called Sabrina the Teen witch. The titular star of both shows became a mini-celeb.
The problem was that our girl MJH could not accept that level of fame as her lot in life. She far too quickly jumped at the opportunity to use sex as a weapon. She appeared in a couple of men's magazines with the end result being that her skimpy outfits alienated a large sect of her prior fanbase. The tradeoff was presumed to be that lusty males who had grown up with Clarissa would now want to see her nearly nekkid and starring in major motion pictures. Her lead performance in Drive Me Crazy permanently disavowed her of such notions.
Hart was reduced to trying to enhance her fame by allowing her wedding as well as its planning stages to be recorded for broadcast on ABC/Fox Family, an audience whose viewerbase she had just tried to dump in order to become a sex symbol. The irony was apparently lost on the fading starlet. Perhaps she needed Clarissa to Explain It All to her.
Whatever the case, Tying the Knot will always be remembered for having the most uncomfortable henpecked groom in television history. Hart's betrothed, a semi-successful musician, had a perennial deer-in-the-headlights look throughout the marriage special. Should that DVD ever be released, consider it your duty in life to buy it. The combination of miserable groom and 25-year-old Norma Desmond in training is trainwreck television for the ages. In lieu of that, Clarissa Explains It All makes for a wonderful treatise on why stage moms and dads should listen when junior says they don't want to be a child actor.
For fans of the always awful music from iPod commercials: White Noise
Michael Keaton's most recent two cinematic efforts are this atrocious horror movie and the somehow scarier First Daughter. This begs the question of whether an actor is better staying out of the public spotlight altogether or accepting unforgivably bad projects in order to desperately hang on to their careers. In a year where Batman returns, it's tragic to see how Michael Keaton has fallen. This is a cautionary tale for all comic book actors. Tread carefully, Tobey Maguire.
For people who didn't pay heed to last week's column: Son of the Mask
Being the worst film of any year is terrible. Being the worst film of 2005, a regrettable time in cinematic history, is noteworthy. What an impressive anti-accomplishment.
For soon-to-be-disappointed horndogs seeking their fair share of titillation: Kinsey
This uneven production sees an insightful, engaging first act undone by later errors in judgment. The relationship between the scientist/statistician and his Bible-thumping papa might have looked good on paper. In execution, it fails to inspire on any level. All of the performances are above average, but the pieces simply do not mesh. Kinsey is a smugly superior exercise in the pitfalls of demonizing illict bedroom behavior yet oddly it never winds up taking enough of a stand. It accidentally winds up being as muted and neutral as the man himself.
For people who fail to understand that the Internet may be used to surf for porn: Call Me: The Rise and Fall of Heidi Fleiss
Speaking of titillation, the selling point here is simple. You don't get to be the world's oldest profession unless there is demand for your goods and services. Sopranos moll-in-training Jamie-Lynn Di-Scala portrays the celebrated Hollywood madam whose legal woes jeopardized an entire industry, the Hollywood studio system. This story has all the makings of being a Skinemax classic, but don't be fooled. This was originally a made-for-cable movie, and a poorly reviewed one at that. The only positive was that it kept Corbin Bernsen from making another edition of Celebrity Mole this year.
For John Malkovich: Team America: World Police
I think that my sitemate and dear friend Reagen Sulewski has best summed up this film. His comment is that in the end, the core appeal of Team America as well as its main limitation is that it's a movie about puppets. That might sound overly simplistic at first blush but then the occam's razor of it penetrates. For people who are willing to accept going in that this is thematically similar to a South Park outing, the movie will prove deeply satisfying. To those who are never able to get past the fact that it's an action film send-up involving puppets, results will be mixed.
I refuse to believe that anyone watching the movie won't find amusement in the soundtrack lyrics heavily interspersed throught the production. I also expect that even the most disapproving sorts will get a chuckle out of the Hollywood celebrity activists as represented here. For my part, I find Team America to be a worthy follow-up to South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut. It's a touch more uneven, with several scenes that fail to illicit a single laugh. When it's funny, though, the laughs are uproarious. Sadly, the political commentary is also better than a lot I have seen on respectable news services...and more even-handed to boot. No one is above mocking here, and that greatly enhances the funny.
For people who are about to have sex with Paris Hilton: Scrubs
I did not watch the first couple of episodes of this series. I had read the TV Guide fall preview, and scheduled the list of shows I would have TiVo record. Had it not been for water cooler discussions at BOP, I might not have ever watched the show. Fortunately for me, one Dan Krovich was passionate about the fact that Scrubs was, to his mind, the best new show of that year. I tuned in to see an episode involving The West Wing's Mrs. Landingham dealing with her mortality, and I have been hooked ever since.
Scrubs was one of the first television shows to adopt the editing style of Run Lola Run. That movie made infamous the concept of the 15 second biography, a practice through a character's entire backstory could be displayed in the blink of an eye. Scrubs brilliantly utilized this strategy in order to implement rapid-fire comedy bits. Since the time investment was minimal, even a 22 minute sitcom was capable of throwing out dozens of one-off site gags, many of which rivaled The Simpsons in terms of both complexity and entertainment value.
Over the past four seasons, Scrubs has seen an evolved in maturity level. Many of the episodes now focus on the life issues of the various characters. This is in stark contrast to season one, a year which revolved inexperienced medical students getting their feet wet at the hospital. While we now have a fuller, more satisfying understanding of the causality of behaviorisms such as Dr. Cox's self-loathing, the reality is that some of the spark has gone now.
All of the main characters are seasoned pros of medicine, so the focus has moved away from the show's origins. This perhaps explains the revolving door of doctors and nurses on ER, and it appears that executive producer (and BOP fave) Bil Lawrence agrees with this line of thinking. It certainly explains why the recent season saw a shake-up in terms of staff personnel. It also demonstrates why the first two seasons of Scrubs have been vastly superior to the later nonsense involving Michael J. Fox stunt-casted to use an outdoor toilet.
Even if you have been (understandably) turned off by the some of the recent comedy hijinks, that in no way sullies the lasting appeal of season one. Scrubs had a better debut set of 22 episodes than most series lasting 100 outings or more could compile as their finest body of work. Scrubs poignantly showed how difficult it is for innately neurotic people to deal with death on a daily basis. The show's gentle humor quietly heroicizes an entire profession while still bringing the funny on a consistent basis. Despite the fact that Scrubs was quickly kicked off of Thursday night, it best exemplifies what NBC references with the slogan 'Must See TV'. It's a must own compilation and my selection for co-DVD release of the week.
One final note for trivia buffs about to watch/re-watch season one: as you have likely inferred from the absence of Scrubs on the 2005 fall schedule, it has never been popular with NBC execs. Since there was never a guarantee given to the show about its renewal for year two, Lawrence wrote a surprise twist into all the episodes. Had its 22nd episode been the final one, The Janitor would have been given an M. Night Shyamalan/Chuck Palahniuk type twist. He would have been revealed as a figment of JD's imagination.
For people who lie about being masters of their domain: Seinfeld season 4
Although it feels like forever ago now, there was a time when Seinfeld could do no wrong. Sure, the show has aged worse than Joan Rivers, but the 1992-1993 season was a comedy season for the ages. The machinations required for many of the show's gags were less complicated than the endgame of Mouse Trap, but when precisely implemented, they were sublime. In point of fact, a person could count on one hand the number of sitcoms which ever had a season as consistent as Seinfeld's fourth year. A quick list of catchphrases is more than enough to espouse the virtues of the season:
"A show about nothing."
"Crazy Joe Davola."
"Time is what he is indicating."
"Moops."
"Mulva."
"Junior Mint?"
"I like to stop at the duty-free shop."
"Rochelle, Rochelle."
"Not that there's anything wrong with it."
And, of course, "I'm out of the contest."
The show later became a transparent copy of itself, shamelessly attempting to duplicate the success of year four. The excesses led to frequently tragic missteps involving muffin tops, rye bread, the Maestro, and even Bizarro Jerry. But the genesis of those missteps is understandable. Were any writer to create the great American novel, any later attempts at replication would be doomed to disappointment. This sitcom's later failures are no different in this regard nor should such trappings be held against Seinfeld's Golden Season. It's an easy choice for co-DVD of the Week.
May 17, 2005
The Adventures of Pete and Pete: Season One (2-DVD Set) (1993)
Black Cadillac (20034)
Blue (1968)
Call Me: The Rise and Fall of Heidi Fleiss (2004)
Charisma (1999)
Cold Grip (2005)
Conagher (1991)
Dance With Me, Henry (1956)
The Desperate Trail (1994)
Dinotopia: Quest for the Ruby Sunstone (2004)
Ebola Syndrome (1996)
Elective Affinities (1996)
Fortunes of War (1987)
Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex (Vol. 6) (2002)
The Green Butchers (2003)
The Grudge (Unrated Director's Cut) (2004)
Hour of the Gun (1967)
I'll Take Sweden (1965)
Infection (2004)
Invitation to a Gunfighter (1964)
Johnny Reno (1966)
Kinsey (2004)
Kinsey (2-DVD Special Edition) (2004)
Last Stand at Saber River (1997)
Mosquito Man (2005)
The Noose Hangs High (1948)
Notre Musique (2004)
Purgatory (1999)
Quicksilver Highway (1997)
The Scalphunters (1968)
Scrubs: The Complete First Season (3-DVD Set) (2001)
The Sea Inside (2004)
Séance (2000)
Seinfeld: Season Four (4-DVD Set) (1992)
The Simpsons: Bart Wars (2005)
Six Feet Under: The Complete Third Season (5-DVD Set) (2003)
Skinned Deep (2004)
Son of the Mask (2005)
The Stone Boy (1984)
Tarnation (2004)
Team America: World Police (Full Frame Collector's Edition) (2004)
Team America: World Police (Widescreen Collector's Edition) (2004)
Team America: World Police (Unrated Collector's Edition) (2004)
White Noise (Full Frame) (2005)
White Noise (Widescreen) (2005)
X-Treme Fighter (2004)
Zombies (2005)
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