How to Spend $77.97 This Week
By David Mumpower
November 24, 2004
Taking a look ahead at the week's DVD releases is always dicey for your wallet. Nearly every week, there's a disc that would fit nicely into any size collection. When it comes time to decide what to buy, there are really two determining factors: how much you love the content and the quality of the extra features on the disc.
The massive unreleased studio (film and television) back-catalogue means that every week there's likely something for every film fan. So before you think to yourself, "I'm not much for illegal music downloading, but I'll watch Stealing Sinatra more than once!" stop; ask yourself, "Why!?" and then check to see if Stealing Sinatra (or your disc of choice) is one of the weekly BOP DVD recommendations.
For Ron Artest: The Rambo Trilogy - The Ultimate Collection
While the notion may be hard to imagine now, there was a time when the idea of creating a sequel to First Blood seemed recklessly daring. Audiences had offered only a lukewarm welcome to the spartan soldier who could do almost anything, even stitch himself when wounded. The arrival of Rambo quickly proved that the reward outweighed any risk, as the second film shattered box office records of its day. From that point on, the character of Rambo achieved iconic status as the Cold War hero who could seemingly kick all of Russia's ass on his own. Ironically, the plot of Rambo III is pretty much exactly that. Giving in to the Hollywood law of bigger, badder, more, Sylvester Stallone unintentionally created a caricature of his own work with the third film. As he would later describe his impossibly tweaked physique in the movie, "even my hair had muscles". While the third film might seem as dated as White Lion, the reality is that the three films in sequence unveil a fascinating insight into Cold War culture. In addition, there are some genuinely kickass action sequences blended in. To this day, I point to the scene where Rambo stitches himself as the moment I became an action movie fan.
Since the advent of DVD, there have been a couple of prior releases of each film, but nothing like this one. The Ultimate Edition of each disc includes features such as MetaBrief, MetaScope and Survival Mode. The features offer intelligence dossiers on key moments in the film, enhanced data about the character and locales involved with each scene and something described as "special ops playback upgrades". In short, these discs are perfect for the Metal Gear/Splinter Cell fans out there who love to play imaginary spy ops. In addition, the first film includes something genuinely noteworthy: a rare deleted scene where the hero commits suicide, thereby accidentally preventing the series from becoming such a lucrative franchise. Methinks they are glad they switched that one prior to release.
For the producers of the sickening Fox reality show, The Swan: Sleepover
Along with Catch That Kid, this is one of the two most reprehensible releases of 2004. The premise is harmless enough. Two competing girl clans make a wager for who gets to sit at the good table as high school freshmen. Rather than play Halo 2 Rumble Pit Slayer (which is the sane thing to do), they have a scavenger hunt. Over the course of an evening, they dress up like Girls Gone Wild wannabes, sneak into clubs, and even get hit on by their (apparently near-sighted) teacher. All of this I could live with. The patronizing story arc of well-intended female empowerment that says that fat people should only date fat people is so offensive that you wonder if the director is stealing plays out of the Hitler Handbook. I guess they are saving actual gentrification of all fatties for the sequel. Do not under any circumstance give this movie a single penny of your money. I will be glad when these two Thirteen rip-offs transparently disguised as family films disappear from our collective conscience.
For Charlie Sheen and Michael Madsen: The Ranch
I am not pointing any fingers. I am simply offering the information that this is a film about a fictional brothel. Gentlemen such as these two appear to take a keen interest in such enterprises. If you, the reader, are inclined to witness it, my guess is that it will be a staple of Cinemax after Dark for the body of the next five years.
For Lindsay Lohan confused by recent turn for the whore-ish: The Lizzie McGuire Show - Season One
Before the A-List went on sabbatical, I would frequently point out the hysterical entries for Lohan and her teen counterpart, Hillary Duff. Apparently written by Lohan or her mother, the entries claim that one is a megalomaniac while the other is a kind-hearted girl dealing with the struggles of life in the limelight. Since that update, Duff has done heartfelt treacle such as Raise Your Voice and A Cinderella Story. Lohan has become the latest Pink Lady entered in the Paris Hilton/Tara Reid succubus competition. Even porn stars make jokes about how trashy Lohan has become, while Duff comes across as more innocent than ever.
For those of you who want your teen heroines warm-spirited and not plastic surgery befouled, the first season of Lizzie McGuire on DVD is a welcome option. The show's popularity is such that we are now roughly two years removed from Duff's money-based tiff with Disney yet the show still airs re-runs every Saturday morning on ABC. It's mostly harmless entertainment in the vein of Saved by the Bell and California Dreams.
Lizzie McGuire does have something these prior shows lack, the clever addition of occasional animation to punctuate themes of the show. Disney and Duff may be no longer speaking, but the studio's continued treatment of the franchise as a linchpin of their lineup speaks volumes as to their pride in its quality. The discs would make for welcome gifts for kids in the 10-15 range as they have grown up with the program.
For J.K. Rowling, laughing gleefully as she counts her stacks of money: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
For most diehard fans of the series (and, judging from the numbers, that's roughly the same number of people as eligible voters in the U.S.), the first two movies were the appetizer. The main course was always when producers got to adapting books three and four. While box office demonstrated a disappointing (and unexpected) decline in sales, the third film itself is a masterpiece of quality. Appropriately dark and deftly paced, the time travel-based story manages to challenge the intelligence of children while remaining true to the values of the characters in the Potterverse. To this day, I struggle to wrap my head around the notion that this is the least successful Potter film financially. Twenty years from now, though, I will not be surprised to see it described as the finest film from the series. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban is a masterpiece.
For any remaining geeks who still have money left in their wallets after previous George Lucas shaftings: Star Wars Animated Adventures - Droids (The Pirates and the Prince / Treasures of the Hidden Planet)
and...
For the Star Wars obsessives that even other Star Wars fans think are pathetic: Star Wars Animated Adventures: Star Wars Animated Adventures - Ewoks (The Haunted Village / Tales from the Endor Woods)
Honest to God, I do not understand what is the matter with these people. There has not been a good Star Wars movie in over 20 years. MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIVES! Stop giving this nutjob more of your hard-earned money, because you know that he will just waste it by digitally inserting Meow Skywalker into the films.
George Lucas has bungee-jumped off the lunatic fringe. There is no reason for you people to follow him simply because you had a cool glow-in-the-dark light saber when you were eight-years-old. An Ewoks cartoon released on dvd with sales expected in the hundreds of thousands??? Have some pride.
For wedding night video aficionados: Tanner on Tanner
Actually, no, if that sort of video is your cup of tea, you need to stick to eBay. This is a modern update on the classic cable miniseries Tanner '88. The unexpectedly timeless (even to its creators) tale of a fictional presidential candidate attempting to gain the White House attained renewed popularity this year. It was re-aired this summer on Sundance Channel.
Series creators Robert Altman and Doonesbury creator Garry Trudeau returned in 2004 with this four-episode follow-up originally aired on Showtime. Rather than specifically attacking politics, it takes a less-focused path into that realm while saving a lot of its jagged barbs for documentary filmmaking. This profession is the chosen vocation of the daughter of the former candidate, and the role is once more portrayed by Sex and the City's recently out Cynthia Nixon. Her work as the younger Tanner put her on the map, and she is largely the focus of the update.
The appeal here is the same as it was with the original. How can you pass on anything that has the fingerprints of Altman and Trudeau on it?
For people who fondly remember that one scene in Risky Business: Zhou Yu's Train
Gong Li has never been on a railroad, as many times as they've passed her by. She's never crashed in the desert or seen a rodeo. Or is that Train song not about her?
While actresses such as Maggie Cheung and Zhang Ziyi have become almost as well known in North America as they are in Asia, Gong Li was the trailblazer. Her work in Farewell My Concubine, Raise the Red Lantern and alongside Jeremy Irons in Chinese Box garnered significant critical acclaim in a period when eastern cinema was for some inexplicable reason otherwise unappealing to westerners (be thankful that this is no longer true).
This, her most recent film, sees her romanced by an acerbic, hedonistic veterinarian and a poet who happens to be the *other* Tony Leung (by which we mean not the one from Hero and Infernal Affairs). When the trio meet unexpectedly, Zhou Yu must decide what is her heart's desire. I have not seen it yet, but it's high on my (sadly tiny) list of must-watch releases of 2004. The fact Gong Li is not a star here saddens me.
For all you Thanksgiving travelers: The Terminal
The incomparable Tom Hanks has recently struggled through a rare box office slow period as this film and The Polar Express have both failed to match expectations. What's tragic here is that both films are among the finest of 2004.
The Terminal is, impossibly enough, based on the true story of a man without a country. His homeland is overthrown before he can have his visa stamped to allow him entry to the US, leaving him trapped at an airport terminal. What follows is an impossibly sweet story of a good man facing unprecedented obstacles. The ability of Hanks to infuse the role with tremendous dignity reminds us why he is considered one of the finest living actors. The Terminal is currently one of my 15 favorites of the year and is therefore highly recommended.
For still-bitter Wonder Years fans: Boy Meets World - The Complete Second Season
That's right. The score is now two seasons on DVD for the lousy Ben Savage shoe as opposed to none for The Wonder Years, one of the best shows in television history. Sickening. Boy Meets World co-star Will Friedle might have won BOP's heart as the voice of Ron Stoppable on Kim Possible, but even we have our limits of fandom.
For people in red states: Home Improvement - The Complete First Season
See, he's a guy who likes tools. I mean, he likes tools the way rap musicians like strippers. And it's funny because the mass public appears to like Tim Allen. When he's not too busy playing Santa, this is about the best you are going to get from him. It was the #1 show on television for multiple years, proving once and for all that my taste in no way, shape or form lines up with American audiences. Guys making ape noises simply is not my cup o' tea.
If you want to see a show where a guy builds stuff while being entertaining, watch Monster House on Discovery Channel. The only lingering appeal of this toothless comedy is that you can get an early jump on the inevitable Pamela Anderson biopic. Home Improvement was her breakthrough role. It quickly led to slow motion spandex zooms on the beach on that show with that guy from the SpongeBob SquarePants movie.
For everyone but Newman: Seinfeld Limited Edition Gift Set (Seasons 1-3 with Original Script, Salt & Pepper Shakers, and Playing Cards) (1990)
In the days and years that followed, many have claimed it, but I am one of the few that is sincere. Due to my love of a rising comic named Jerry Seinfeld and a particular joke of his ("If you have blood on your clothing, maybe laundry is not your biggest concern."), I gave his sitcom a chance. Originally aired as The Seinfeld Chronicles, I forced my then-girlfriend to watch a truly heinous half hour of comedy. The rest of the summer, we made this mistake a few more times before agreeing it was garbage and promising never to watch it again. The ratings reflected we were not alone in this decision
About 18 months later, there was nothing else on, so we gave it another chance. To our surprise, we discovered one of the most clever half hours of comedy ever. As the two leads, Jerry and Elaine, discussed their hormonally driven desire to merge friendship with sex, a catchphrase was born. "If we could have this and that..." It seemed so innocent then.
Over time, the woman who eventually became my wife grew to be so much a fanatic of the show that it seemed she picked new friends specifically predicated upon their ability to quote the show. The group's passion for all quips Seinfeldian was exactly the sort of behavior that made the actor nee comedian grow to be so anti-social. One of my favorite stories was when an old roommate of mine met the man on an elevator. The conversation was: "You're Seinfeld, right?" "Yes, and please leave me the hell alone about it." Ah, that biting Gotham wit.
Meanwhile, NBC struggled to find a night when viewers would ignore then-dominant Home Improvement (razza frazzin red states) long enough to discover the genius of the show. Over time, exactly this happened. And it all began with a contest.
As word began to spread at the water color about the qualifications requisite for a person to declare themselves master of their domain, a grass roots hit was born. The timing could not have been better as the nation discovered the show at exactly the moment Seinfeld hit its sweet spot. Entire episodes may be defined by simple lines such as "Yadda yadda yadda", "Not that there's anything wrong with it" and "They're real and they're spectacular". The legend was born.
Perhaps fittingly for a show boldly declaring its nihilism, Seinfeld soon found itself struggling to match prior successes. The occasional great episode was produced but the show became more and more of a shell of its prior self as the end approached. When a cynical finale show left the entire cast incarcerated, North America found itself on the outside looking in. Few viewers appreciated Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld's final biting satire about the cast's behavior over the course of the show justifying criminal charges. Audiences found themselves embracing Friends-lier fare, so the inscrutable action of not allowing a happy ending left a bitter taste in the mouths of many.
Since the advent of DVD, diehard fans of the show have called for the release of a compilation that would allow David and Seinfeld to explain the inner workings of their mad creations. With syndication ratings remind strong over time despite the remembrance of a hollow ending, it's clear that a loyal fanbase cares less for a shaky couple of seasons toward the end.
Instead, they focus upon the sublime genius of three friends trying to be seated at a Chinese restaurant. They celebrate the cleverness of retired Floridians warring over a pen that writes upside down. They relish the joys of a cashmere sweater discounted due to the presence of a red dot. They remember the time when Seinfeld revolutionized the conventions of the sitcom by showing a series of shallow, innately dislikable characters yet still managed to get audiences to root for them. This week sees the release of two compilations, Season One and Two in one set and Season Three by itself in another set. But BOP sees the beauty of the DVD gift box that includes all three seasons plus various knickknacks such as a script, playing cards, and a salt and pepper shaker from the deli restaurant the Seinfeld quartet frequented. It is the easy choice for our DVD selection of the week.
November 23, 2004
Boy Meets World: The Complete Second Season (3-DVD Set) (1994)
Doing Hard Time (2004)
First Blood (Ultimate Edition) (1982)
God is On The Air (2002)
Gozu (2003)
Gypsy 83 (2003)
The Jackhammer Massacre (2004)
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (Full Frame) (2004)
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (Widescreen) (2004)
Home Improvement: The Complete First Season (3-DVD Set) (1991)
Inugami (2001)
L'age D'or (1930)
La Vie Promise (2002)
Little Miss Marker (1980)
Lust for Dracula (2004)
Oasis (2002)
Powwow Highway (1989)
Rambo: First Blood Part II (Ultimate Edition) (1985)
Rambo III (Ultimate Edition) (1988)
The Ranch (2004)
Secret Things (2003)
Seinfeld: Seasons 1 and 2 (4-DVD Set) (1989/1990)
Seinfeld: Season 3 (4-DVD Set) (1991)
Splitting Heirs (1993)
Springtime in a Small Town (2002)
Stealing Sinatra (2003)
Star Wars Animated Adventures: Droids (1985)
Star Wars Animated Adventures: Ewoks (1985)
Strayed (2003)
Street Fury: Underground (2004)
Sweet Liberty (1986)
Tanner on Tanner (2004)
The Terminal (Full Frame) (2004)
The Terminal (Widescreen) (2004)
Unstoppable (2004)
X-Men Evolution: Mystique's Revenge (2000)
Zhou Yu's Train (2002)
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