The Amazing Race Season 31

Let's Split

By Kim Hollis & David Mumpower

June 17, 2019

I hate poetry, you jerk.

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Previously on The Amazing Race, they said the words that we always long to hear: “There are no remaining elimination legs.” The only way this information could make us happier is if they meant from this day forward into perpetuity, not just for this season.

Also, Elissa & Rachel are gone. Many seasons ago, we stopped making, “Ding, dong, the witch is dead” jokes because they felt sexist. We mention this for no particular reason… Rachel.

Out of the remaining teams, we like pretty much everyone. The Afghanimals are much less annoying than they used to be. The “Nic” half of Nicole & Victor has some erratic moments, too. No matter what, it seems like a good team will win this year. We hope that Tyler & Korey, currently on a three-leg winning streak, will finish as eventual champions.

Teams will be flying to Split, Croatia and Kasjuni Beach. There, they’ll find their Travelocity gnome, which they’ll have to keep with them for the leg. Tyler & Korey note that they’re just trying to stay confident, and the Survivor bros say the same.

Meanwhile, Christie & Colin haven’t forgotten that Team Fun and the Afghanimals voted for them in the U-Turn. They say they don’t take it personally, but we’ll see if that holds true.

Tyler & Korey and Bret & Chris are together on the first train to the airport, which means the other four teams are bunched together on train number two. After looking up flight options on a stranger’s phone, both teams are able to book a flight that gets them there at 11 a.m. the next day.

One of the Afghanimals says that he expects everyone to be on the same flight. Right on cue, an airplane worker tells them that seats aren’t available. Somehow, the Afghanimals manage to charm her into helping them nonetheless. Leo tells her that he’ll name his child after her. He says that he won’t get married until he finds a woman with her same name. She giggles and finds them a flight that lands one hour after the two leading teams – around 12:30.

Colin & Christie also find an agent to help them and book the same flight as Leo & Jamal. Controversy erupts when Nicole accuses Team Fun of cutting ahead of them in line. There are actually two ticket agent lines, and Team Fun is standing behind the Afghanimals while they book their flights, but they claim that they’re in line for both spots. Team Fun isn’t having it, and they step right up when the other agent opens up. They secure another of the 12:30 spots, while the Afghanimals’ ticket agent says it’s time for her to be off.

Nicole & Victor hustle to a different part of the airport to find a different person to help them. After much begging and pleading, their ticket agent is able to book them on standby for a flight that lands around 11:30. So, they’ll be ahead of the other three teams and just behind Tyler & Korey and Bret & Chris. It’ll be “fun” to see Team Fun’s reaction to this turn of events when they figure it out later.

Once teams have arrived at the beach, their task is “Serve ‘Em Up,” where they have to deliver drinks to people on the beach. They’ll pick up their gnome once they do so. When they return their empty tray to the bartender, their next clue sends them to the Marjan Cave Church. Once there, they’ll need to help their gnome deliver a loaf of bread to a monk via a pulley contraption.

Chris & Bret have changed the name of the country to Broatia. NO. Bad Survivor Dudes.

Big Brother Nicole & Victor do indeed land at 11:30, so they are off to the beach. Back in Hamburg, the flight is delayed, so the three teams that thought they were ahead of Nicole & Victor will now be at least two hours behind.

Detour

It’s time for a Detour! “Poetry in Motion” requires teams to ride a fast-moving water tube – and memorize a tongue-teasing poem while they do so. “Wash in from the Ocean” asks them to snorkel to find a goblet and five coins. We figure that Poetry in Motion is a recipe for seasickness, so Wash in from the Ocean seems like the obvious choice.

When Tyler & Korey see Nicole & Victor, their shock is impossible to hide. “Back from the dead,” the boys say.

At the coin/goblet challenge, Bret & Chris are struggling. Neither one seems to have the level of physical fitness to get it done. Korey asks them how long they’ve been doing it, and Bret answers, “A WHILE.”

However, the tube/raft challenge is every bit as awful as we had imagined. In fact, it might even be rougher. Even though Nicole & Victor split the poem in two, this is super tough. They miss on their first try and are back on the raft.

Chris & Bret find a coin and a goblet, and show Tyler & Korey the sizes of them. Nonetheless, Tyler & Korey decide to switch to “Poetry in Motion.” They just don’t enjoy the needle in the haystack aspect of the challenge.

To their credit, they’re doing a halfway decent job of getting the poem memorized. Nic & Vic are now moving on to their fourth attempt.

Tyler & Korey walk up to the poetry judge after their first try and say, “We don’t know the poem, so we’ll be right back!” The gentleman laughs.

The second half of the teams arrives in Croatia. Meanwhile, Nic & Vic miss a few words on their fifth effort, while Tyler & Korey have gone through round three. These challenges are tough enough that the other teams have been able to catch up.

Bret & Chris are still looking for coins, and the editors kindly show us that the coins should be located around five different buoys rather than in the central location where they guys are diving. Also, they keep showing their gnome like they might forget him.




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The Afghanimals, Team Fun, and Colin & Christie all finish the beach challenge with ease (it’s simple to make up for the extreme difficulty of the Detour, we suppose).

At long last, Nicole & Victor have completed the poem on their seventh try. They’re in first place, too! Their clue sends them to the catacomb entrance to Diocletian’s Palace. Tyler & Korey are right behind them after a fourth effort.

Amusingly, the gnomes at the raft race have lifejackets.

Chris & Bret are deciding to change tasks. Yikes. They’ll be competing with Team Fun and the Afghanimals, who are about to arrive. Colin & Christie choose treasure task.

After one attempt at the raft, the Survivor bros swap back to the treasure hunt. With just two coins remaining, you’d hope they can finish it off. Note that none of the back half teams have arrived yet.

At the Diocletian’s Palace, the Roadblock asks, “Who’s ready to get their marching orders?” One team member has to keep track of soldiers who are doing the old shell game. Basically, five soldiers will have red ribbons on their helmets. They’ll do a little performance with their shields, hiding each other.

This challenge is TOUGH. Korey and Nicole agree to work together to solve it.

Like with everyone else, the Afghanimals and Team Fun fail at their first try on the poetry Detour. Chris & Bret are alarmed to see Colin & Christie arrive. Colin & Christie instantly hate the challenge, though. They switch to poetry.

Even working together, Korey and Nicole need several attempts to solve the soldier problem. After they take one half apiece, they do figure it out and will now move on to the Pit Stop at Matejuska Pier. Will Tyler & Korey get another win?

Team Fun finishes their poem, but the Afghanimals have taken eight rounds on the raft and still haven’t gotten it right. Colin & Christie almost take flight on their raft. The two Detour tasks are INSANE. We think a penalty might have been faster for Bret & Chris.

At the Pit Stop, the two leading teams have to find a marked vote and then row across to the Pit Stop. A lady with a pair of adorable Dalmatians meets them. Tyler & Korey are probably only 45 seconds ahead of Nicole & Victor. It must be torture to watch your competitor slowly beat you for first place.

Anyway, Tyler & Korey win a FOURTH consecutive leg. The sting of Nicole & Victor missing out on a win is mitigated somewhat by adorable dogs. Considering they were set up for disaster, a second place finish is incredible. Tyler & Korey have won a trip to Mexico, which looks pretty delightful.

Floyd, a marching band alum, is able to complete the marching soldier challenge on his first attempt. They are shocked to finish third.

Afghanimal Leo can’t figure out what he’s doing wrong with the poem, and won’t admit it to Jamal. They’ve tried eight times now with no success. Christie & Colin complete the Detour on their fourth attempt.

It’s SUPER bad news for Chris & Bret, as the Afghanimals have finally finished the poem. But wait! Christie & Colin forgot their gnome at the treasure hunt Detour. It ain’t over yet!

On their ninth attempt, Chris & Bret… get it wrong. Chris tells his friend that he missed the second to last line.

Leo takes the Roadblock for the Afghanimals, and Christie shows up soon after he starts. She tells them they need to work fast. Like Tyler and Nicole, they split the soldiers in half and work together. It’s a perfect strategy, as the get it right immediately.

Thus, Chris & Bret have come to the end of their Amazing Race. They leave in fantastic spirits, though, laughing and talking about their friendship. It’s the core opposite of the exit for Corinne & Eliza.

With the Survivor bros gone, the only non-Amazing Race team left is Nicole & Victor. And with a double U-Turn next week, they might be in some trouble since the teams who previously appeared on The Amazing Race have done a great job of sticking together. No matter what, we know someone is going home!


     


 
 

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