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Previously on Survivor, Bradley was a little bitch. Survivor has had their fair share of Superfans, and we’re pretty sure he is the tenth best one! Or worse. Our belief about Bradley is that no one cares more about what he has to say than he does. He probably has a YouTube channel with 877 videos and six subscribers.

The funniest part about Bradley is that he’s delusional about his situation in this game. He’s convinced that he’s a mastermind who is pulling all the strings. Cats pull string better than he does. Well, they do.

Anyway, beyond that, the Pagonging of the Original Malolo continued as James was ejected in one of the most boring episodes in the history of the show.

Cue the sad music as we return to Malolo camp, where Michael says the atmosphere is totally depressing. He’s desperate to find an idol (and again, we’re not sure why he and James weren’t doing this in the first place). Angela figures out his angle, but Michael doesn’t even really care. If they catch him, fine.

The Original Naviti members of his tribe note that he’s paranoid – because the three of them totally want to vote him out given the opportunity. So, he finds the idol. It’s the fake idol stick that Ozzy gave to Jason during Survivor: Micronesia. The only three people to touch this idol were voted out, blah blah, now the fake idol has grown up to be a real live boy! No, wait. A real Immunity Idol.

Survivor. Just. No.

Oh, thank goodness. Here’s Probst. That means we have a Reward Challenge to take up a nice chunk of runtime. The three tribes will use ropes to balance a disc where they will spell “reward” with blocks.

First place tribe will win steak, chicken kabobs, a grill, and spices. Second place will be given chicken kabobs. Also, the winning tribe will send someone from either of the other two tribes to Ghost Island.

Naviti initially breaks out into a lead, but their stack falls down. Soon, the same thing happens to Yanyuya and Malolo.

Ultimately, the race is super close between Yanyuya and Naviti (while Malolo argues endlessly). Finally, it’s down to Donathan to place the last two blocks. Bradley yells at him not to have tension on his rope (but Donathan was fine. Shut the eff up, Bradley). They win – thanks to Donathan’s great finishing work, though it was a good team effort.

Then, Yanyuya wins second place, leaving Malolo to return to Loser Camp. Well, except for Kellyn, whom Mean Naviti sends to Ghost Island. They figure it’s safer to send someone there who has been there before.

Since Michael found the idol, we wonder if she’ll even get to do anything. So far, the pattern has been that if someone finds Immunity, Ghost Island is a bust. Well, more so than it has been throughout the season.

BUT we’re wrong. The game is on! Last time, Kellyn wasn’t willing to wager her vote. She has a two out of three chance at winning this time. And since she has the numbers on her tribe either way, she figures that she might as well go ahead and see what kind of power she can get.

She wins. It’s the “authentic” steal-a-vote advantage that was used to vote out Michaela. Kellyn says that this is the point where she goes from being viewed as a sweet girl to someone who can really play the game. Boom. Yes, she says, “Boom.”

Back at Naviti, the team praises Donathan, which brings out Bitch Mode from Bradley. Well, more so. He basically treats Donathan like the help, telling him to build the grill.

“For me, the hardest test out here, is like, to not be a dick.”

We’ll give him a D-.

So will Dom - and everyone else on Naviti. Every single person on the tribe got pissed at Bradley when he was berating Donathan during the challenge. Dom says that he wants to stick with Naviti, but Bradley is a nasty SOB. He’s overrating Bradley’s niceness, we think.

At Yanyuya, the tribe is celebrating Nicole’s birthday. In case you’re confused, there is no Nicole on Survivor this season. No, she’s Wendell’s girlfriend, and he misses her terribly. As a birthday present, he sets out to search for an Immunity Idol. He sees a totally obvious tree where the totally obvious clue for an idol is hidden. Moments later, he finds it.

On the plus side, it IS a very special idol. It’s the one that Ice Cream guy Eric gave away to Natalie before they voted him out. Wendell idly hopes that something similar doesn’t happen to him. If it does, and he gives the necklace to a pretty girl, we’re guessing that Nicole will be pissed!

Manolo is hungry. And sad. Tired of losing, Desiree proposes that they burn the Malolo banner, because it’s bad juju. Michael proclaims the curse to be broken.

And with that, it’s time for another Immunity Challenge. Also, hello Jeff Probst! Your dimples look particularly permanent today.

Tribes will run up a platform, jump off of it, retrieve some submerged rings, and then throw those rings at a target.

When Michael performs a gorgeous dive off the platform, Probst can barely contain himself. If he were an Olympic judge, he’d give Michael a perfect 10.

Although Yanyuya starts throwing their rings first, it’s actually fairly close… until Wendell starts tossing like some ring-throwing God. Probst is giddy. The challenge is close!

Ultimately, Wendell grabs immunity for Yanyuya. It’s super close between Naviti, who has Donathan throwing (he loses by one, which he lands after they find out they lost) versus Michael. After burning their banner, Malolo has finally broken the curse. Naviti will be headed to Tribal Council.

In theory, the Original Naviti on the New Naviti tribe should target Libby. She’s smart and strategic. But we hope hope hope beyond all possible hoping that Bradley goes home tonight.

Shark metaphor! What does it mean? WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

Dom apologizes for letting the tribe down. He was just wiped out after diving, which left him unable to toss any rings.

“I think maybe you had too much coffee,” Bradley says to Dom.

That… doesn’t sit well. Dom comments that Bradley is always talking down to him, and reiterates that while he thinks Bradley wants to work with him to the end, he can’t stand the guy. So, he’s got a decision to make.

Chelsea (who?) and Libby go for a walk, which gives the guys a minute to talk. Bradley says that he wants to vote for Libby, which Dom and Donathan agree with. When Bradley asks if Libby has an idol, Donathan shakes his head emphatically.

At the same time, Dom and Donathan exchange looks. Something’s cooking. Or we’re just reading more into it than there is because we’re optimists.

Bradley has honed in on Libby because he thinks Donathan is just there for a beach vacation (he has a bad read), while Libby is pretty and can use her wiles on some sucker like him.

Snake metaphor!

“I feel like it’s incredibly straightforward. Everyone is voting for Libby tonight.” – Bradley, hopefully moments before his doom

Crab metaphor! (Maybe Survivor is just showing local wildlife and doesn’t mean anything at all when the edit the creatures into the footage. Nah.)

After Bradley “secures” the Libby vote with Chelsea, the latter woman turns around and goes back to Libby. She swears that Bradley is the vote.

In reality, Chelsea and Dom are still undecided. “It’s gonna be a last minute call,” he says. While he doesn’t trust Libby after the Morgan blindside, Dom also believes that Bradley’s hatefulness and all around dick attitude could become a problem if the two of them are associated after the merge.

Snake metaphor! Tribal Council! Probst!

Obviously, the conversation is steered toward Original Naviti versus Original Malolo. Dom and Donathan are both more subtle in their answers to Probst’s queries, while Bradley notes that you wouldn’t even know that they were two different tribes because the vibe at camp is so delightful.

Dom’s look here is not good. Bradley should tread carefully. Actually, no, he shouldn’t! Keep saying stupid shit, Bradley!

Donathan is smart enough to acknowledge the blindside of Morgan earlier in the game, and figures that Dom is still pissed about it. Dom nods, but he also clearly still admires that move in the game. When Bradley talks, Dom’s eyes go cold. When Donathan talks, Dom’s smile lines crinkle.

Libby defends the vote for Morgan, saying that she stayed true to her alliance. She’s not wrong here, but it does seem to give Chelsea (who?) food for thought.

Probst asks Bradley if Libby’s reasoning is correct. Let’s just quote him. He’s not Bob Ross level bad at Survivor, but… it’s not as far as he’d like to think.

“I respect that a lot, but I could give her some counterpoints as to maybe why Morgan wasn’t the right pick. But I also don’t know the dynamic of what happened at that Tribal very well… I’ll argue about the color of the sky if I have to.”

Dom rolls his eyes.

“I don’t want to be the dick that just keeps playing devil’s advocate constantly, because I hate that person as much as the next person,” Bradley continues.

Dom nods.

“I don’t think we’re arguing a lot around camp, or at least I don’t think I’m being argumentative.” – Bradley, digging his own grave

Dom purses his lips. Chelsea (who?) has a look on her face that says, “Oh, come on!”

Dom: “I think, also, Jeff, it is tough to disagree on things, but at the same time, you don’t want to be the person that begins conflict. So, a lot of the time, you have to bite your tongue and just sit back and listen to what people are saying, even if you disagree with them… You want people with a level head you know you can get through to and you can have a conversation with them and have a lot of back and forth with that person as well.”

Chelsea: “I think your behavior always affects you in this game.”

Bradley nods. Bradley, you dumb dick.

Chelsea looks at Dom before they vote. He looks toward Bradley. Bye, bitch.

Indeed, every vote is for Bradley except for Bradley’s own for Libby. He is blindsided, mainly because he has no understanding of the people surrounding him. When he gets his first vote, he even smiles.

Everyone present breathes a sigh of relief. They’ve gotten rid of a truly awful personality around camp.

Next time: Merge! And you know what that means! It’s the return of Dom Vs. Chris, an annoying battle for alpha malehood that we’ve been avoiding for several episodes now.

“I feel like if I would have made it into the merge, I would have won the game,” says Bradley.

Suuuuuuuuuuuuuure.