Game of Thrones Power Rankings: Season 6, Episode 1
By Kim Hollis and David Mumpower
May 1, 2016
Every season, a few people complain about how sexist Game of Thrones is. It’s almost like they missed their history lesson about the Middle Ages. It wasn’t the ideal time to be a woman. Sansa’s been tossed around like delicious cattle. After years of hardship and a few awkward sexual encounters even by the standards of a teenage girl, things are finally starting to look up. She’s married to two of the most powerful men in the Seven Kingdoms. Sure, she never consummated the one marriage, and her other fella makes Ike Turner look like a Nicholas Sparks love interest. What matters, though, is that the people of the North love her, the warrior who slayed Stannis Baratheon has pledged fealty to her, and she’s the only chink in Littlefinger’s armor. We suspect Sansa is upwardly mobile in Seasons 6 and 7 – and when’s the last time we could say that of any Stark?
9) Ellaria Sand
Okay, this one seems crazy on the surface. Ellaria Sand has all the tact of Donald Trump. She threw all logic and reason out the window when she poisoned Princess Myrcella Baratheon. Within about 48 hours, Ellaria went ahead and overthrew her local government of Dorne, assassinating a prince who actually seemed quite kind to her. Now, the Sand Snakes are about to declare war on a people who are the weakest they have ever been and also broke. We don’t mean to badmouth Ser Pounce, but we don’t believe he can lead Tommen and the rest of the Lannister clan to victory. It’s nothing personal against the king, who is way too sweet to be a Lannister, but his presence on the Iron Throne is almost as big an abomination as Joffrey’s.
Still, we get the vibe that Ellaria will blow this because, you know, she’s a hothead reactionary. Side note: This is the first and possibly only week Ellaria would ever have made these rankings.
10) The Night’s King
Hey, if the purpose of the Game of Thrones is to claim all the lands, having an invincible army of wildly motivated undead creatures is a pretty nice start. The only downside is that the recent reintroduction of Valyrian steel into the equation makes him a lot more vulnerable than he was three episodes ago. If nothing else, he’ll always be the cheekiest bastard in Westeros.