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New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? I’ll save you the hassle of researching every movie by comparing the new releases for the upcoming month in this column. Then I’ll tell you which movie you should watch this month in theaters.

I use to compare the movies every week but thought this would be more fun (and who has the money to see a movie in the theaters every weekend?). What could go wrong with this plan? Well, a movie could change its release date after the column was written, or a BOP reader could go through withdrawal by only getting one column from me each month.

For the month of January 2016, the new movies in wide release are as follows:

January 8th:
The Revenant
The Forest
The Masked Saint

January 15th:
13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi
Norm of the North
Ride Along 2

January 22nd:
The 5th Wave
The Boy
Dirty Grandpa

January 29th:
Fifty Shades of Black
The Finest Hours
Jane Got a Gun
Kung Fu Panda 3

I predict a movie’s watchability by seven criteria. For each criterion, I am going to rank these movies from the best to the worst. If a movie gets first place in a category, it will get one point. The lower the ranking, the more points it will get (like golf). Then I’ll calculate the best movies to watch this month at the end of the column.

CLEAREST TITLE (Is the title recognizable or unique enough to make me watch the movie)
1- Kung Fu Panda 3 - A recognizable sequel!
2- Ride Along 2 - A recognizable sequel!
3- Fifty Shades of Black - A movie that sounds like another movie.
3- 13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi - A movie that sounds like the news
4- Dirty Grandpa - Wasn’t this already a movie?
4- Jane Got a Gun - This is a clever title.
5- Norm of the North - This is a unique title.
5- The 5th Wave - What happened to the first four waves?
5- The Masked Saint - Interesting.
6- The Revenant - This word’s dictionary definition is fantastic.
6- The Finest Hours - Glad it’s not the Less-than-finest hours
6- The Forest - Can there be a more generic title?
6- The Boy - Why yes, there can.

BEST GENRE & RATING (elevated status if you are the only genre or rating for the entire month)
1- Jane Got a Gun - (R, Western)
1- The 5th Wave - (PG-13, Adventure Sci-fi)
2- 13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi - (R, Action Drama)
2- The Masked Saint - (PG-13, Biography Action)
2- The Revenant - (R, Adventure Drama)
2- The Finest Hours - (PG-13 Action Drama)
3- Dirty Grandpa - (R, Comedy)
3- Fifty Shades of Black - (R, Comedy Parody)
3- Ride Along 2 - (PG-13, Action Comedy)
4- Kung Fu Panda 3 - (PG, Animation Action)
4- Norm of the North - (PG, Animation)
4- The Forest - (PG-13, Horror)
4- The Boy - (PG-13, Horror)

BEST PLOT (in ten syllables)
1- The Finest Hours - Most daring rescue in Coast Guard history.
1- The Masked Saint - Masked pastor fights crime at night. True story?!?
2- Jane Got a Gun - Western. Girl protects family with gun.
2- Norm of the North - Talking polar bear. New York adventure.
3- 13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi - Troubled embassy. Six men to rescue.
3- The 5th Wave - They fought Earth. Live in humans. Girl fights back.
3- The Revenant - Wilderness. Man left for dead. Gets revenge.
4- Dirty Grandpa - Grandfather. Grandson. Raunchy spring break trip.
4- Fifty Shades of Black - Parody of Fifty Shades of Grey film.
4- Kung Fu Panda 3 - Panda needs more pandas to fight bad guy.
5- Ride Along 2 - Ice Cube. Kevin Hart. Cops. At it again.
5- The Forest - Haunted Forest. Need I say more? I don’t.
5- The Boy - Haunted house. A doll comes to life. Scary.

BEST TRAILER (Higher rankings if your trailer makes me care about the movie and want to watch it! So comedies, be funny. Horror movies, be scary. Action movies, don’t be lame.)
1- The Finest Hours
1- The Masked Saint
2- 13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi
2- Ride Along 2
3- The Revenant
3- Jane Got a Gun
4- The 5th Wave
4- Kung Fu Panda 3
5- The Boy
5- The Forest
6- Dirty Grandpa
6- Fifty Shades of Black
7- Norm of the North

COOLEST LEAD ACTOR
1- Dirty Grandpa - (Robert De Niro, Goodfellas)
2- The Revenant - (Leonardo DiCaprio, Titanic)
3- Jane Got a Gun - (Natalie Portman, V for Vendetta)
4- Ride Along 2 - (Kevin Hart, Think Like a Man)
5- The Finest Hours - (Chris Pine, Star Trek)
5- The 5th Wave - (Chloe Grace Moretz, Kick Ass)
6- 13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi - (John Krasinski, The Office)
6- Fifty Shades of Black - (Marlon Wayans, White Chicks)
7- The Forest - (Natalie Dormer, The Hunger Games: Mockingjay)
7- Kung Fu Panda 3 - (The voice of Jack Black, King Kong)
7- Norm of the North - (The voice of Rob Schneider, Deuce Bigalow)
8- The Masked Saint - (Brett Granstaff)
8- The Boy - (Lauren Cohan)

BEST CAST
1- Kung Fu Panda 3 - (The voices of Angelina Jolie, Dustin Hoffman, Jackie Chan, Seth Rogen, Lucy Lui, Bryan Cranston, Kate Hudson)
1- Ride Along 2 - (Ice Cube, Olivia Munn, T.I., Ken Jeong, Tyrese Gibson, Benjamin Bratt)
2- Jane Got a Gun - (Ewan McGregor, Rodrigo Santoro, Joel Edgerton)
2- Dirty Grandpa - (Zac Efron, Julianne Hough, Aubrey Plaza, Dermot Mulroney)
2- The Finest Hours - (Eric Bana, Ben Foster, Casey Affleck)
3- Norm of the North - (The voices of Bill Nighy, Heather Graham, Ken Jeong)
3- The 5th Wave - (Liev Schreiber, Maria Bello)
4- Fifty Shades of Black - (Jane Seymour)
4- The Revenant - (Tom Hardy, Domhnall Gleeson)
5- 13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi - (David Giuntoli)
5- The Forest - (Taylor Kinney)
6- The Masked Saint - (I didn’t recognize any actors yet)
6- The Boy - (I didn’t recognize any actors yet)

BEST STREET CRED (What else has the director helmed?)
1- 13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi - (Michael Bay, Armageddon, Transformers)
2- The Revenant - (Alejandro González Iñárritu, Babel, Birdman)
3- Ride Along 2 - (Tim Story, Fantastic Four, Think Like a Man)
4- Jane Got a Gun - (Gavin O’Connor, Warrior, Miracle)
4- The Finest Hours - (Craig Gillespie, Million Dollar Arm, Fright Night)
5- Kung Fu Panda 3 - (Jennifer Yuh, Kung Fu Panda 2)
5- Fifty Shades of Black - (Michael Tiddes, A Haunted House)
6- Dirty Grandpa - (Dan Mazer, I Give it a Year)
6- The Boy - (William Brent Bell, The Devil Inside)
6- The Masked Saint - (Warren P. Sonoda, Unrivaled)
6- The 5th Wave - (J Blakeson, The Disappearance of Alice Creed)
7- Norm of the North - (Trevor Wall, some TV shows)
7- The Forest - (Jason Zada, some short films)

You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you loved the first two Kung Fu Pandas, feel free to watch the third one. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.

Conclusion 1: If you are going to see one new movie in the theaters this month, you should go and see The Finest Hour.
Conclusion 2: If you are made of money and can see more than one movie, feel free to check out Jane Got a Gun.
Conclusion 3: Then, depending on your taste, you may either want to watch The Revenant or 13 Hours: The Secret Soldiers of Benghazi.
Conclusion 4: The gold stars for the movies with the best taglines this month go to The Finest Hours’ “We all live or we all die,” and The Forest’s “Everyone comes here looking for a way out.”
Conclusion 5: Is is just me, or is the plot of The Revenant the same as Kill Bill?