This Weekend, Watch This

A comparison for the new releases for May 8-10, 2015

By Curt David

May 10, 2015

They just realized they're in a terrible movie.

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New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? I’ll save you the hassle of researching every movie by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I’ll tell you which movie you should watch in the theaters.

For the weekend of May 8th, the new movies in wide release are Hot Pursuit and (in fewer theaters) The D Train.






Hot PursuitThe D TrainWINNER
(1 point per category)
Clearest TitleThis could be a funny movie….Umm….Hot Pursuit wins this point.
Best Genre
and Rating
Comedy
Rated PG-13 for sexual content, violence, language and some drug material
Comedy
Rated R for strong sexual material, nudity, language and drug use
They split the point for both being comedies.
Best Plot
(in haiku form)
Girl cop protects her
Gets chased by cops and bad guys
Trailer says, “Funny!”
Guy sees famous friend
Says, “Come, highschool reunion.”
Might be more than friends?
These plots don’t do it for me. Split point again.
Best TrailerPROS: A female buddy cop comedy with famous actresses!
CONS: I only laughed once in the trailer
PROS: Two famous actors
CONS: I didn’t laugh in the trailer. Was it a comedy?
I guess Hot Pursuit wins this point.
Coolest Lead ActorReese Witherspoon from Walk the Line, Legally Blonde, and Wild.Jack Black from King Kong and School of Rock.They can split this point.
Best CastSofia Vergara (Modern Family) and Jim Gaffigan.James Marsden (X-men), Jeffrey Tambor (Arrested Development), and Kathryn Hahn (We’re the Millers)Modern Family AND Arrested Development. Split point.
Best Street Cred
For the Production
Director Anne Fletcher also directed 27 Dresses and The Proposal. Writers and Directors Andrew Mogel and Jarrad Paul also wrote Yes Man. Ms. Fletcher will win this point.




So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Hot Pursuit scores five points (and a gold star) and The D Train scores 2 points.

You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you don’t like comedies, feel free to watch Avengers 2 again. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.

Conclusion 1: On paper, Hot Pursuit is the best movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: Each week I give a gold star to the movie with the best tagline. Hot Pursuit’s “Armed and sortof dangerous,” beats The D Train’s “Every reunion needs a hero.”
Conclusion 3: Am I the only person in the world who has not seen Avengers 2 yet? (Please don’t fire me, BOP)




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