This Weekend, Watch This

A comparison for the new releases for March 20-22, 2015

By Curt David

March 20, 2015

This wasn't even part of the movie.

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New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? I’ll save you the hassle of researching every movie by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I’ll tell you which movie you should watch in the theaters.

For the weekend of March 20th, the new movies in wide release are Insurgent, Do You Believe?, and The Gunman.







InsurgentDo You Believe?The GunmanWINNER
(1 point per category)
Clearest TitleThe sequel to Divergent. In what? There’ll be a guy with a gun. Insurgent has the most recognizable title.
Best Genre
and Rating
Action Sci-Fi
Rated PG-13 for intense violence and action throughout, some sensuality, thematic elements and brief language
Drama
Rated PG-13 for thematic elements, an accident sequence and some violence
Action
Rated R for strong violence, language and some sexuality
Somewhat different genres and ratings. 1/3 point each.
Best Plot
(in haiku form)
Girl is the last hope
Has to fight. Things will blow up.
Makes sense if read book
You believe in God?
Characters ask this in film
Dramatic Moments
Guy kills somebody
Now everyone wants him dead
He’ll need to kick butt
Do You Believe? is the only plot that I haven’t already written four times this year. Point.
Best TrailerPROS: Looks visually stunning, action-packed, and perhaps love-packed
CONS: I haven’t read the books, or seen the first movie, so I have no clue what’s going on with the plot
PROS: Might have a good message telling people that if they believe in God they should love others more
CONS: Might also have 12 melodramatic subplots that put soap operas to shame
PROS: Sean Penn starring in the old-guy-kicks-butt film
CONS: The plot may have been done before
Insurgent and The Gunman split the point for the best trailer.
Coolest Lead ActorShailene Woodley from Divergent and The Fault in Our Stars. Mira Sorvino from Mighty Aphrodite. Sean Penn from Mystic River and Milk.Sean Penn wins this point (but next time Shailene probably will)
Best CastKate Winslet (Titanic), Ansel Elgort (The Fault in Our Stars), Miles Teller (Whiplash), and Octavia Spencer (The Help)Sean Astin (Lord of the Rings) and Cybill Shepherd (Moonlighting)Idris Elba (Pacific Rim) and Javier Bardem (Skyfall)Insurgent has the best cast.
Best Street Cred
For the Production
Director Robert Schwentke also directed RED, Flightplan, and Insurgent. Co-writers Chuck Konzelman and Cary Solomon also co-wrote God’s Not Dead. Director Pierre Morel also directed Taken and District B13. Insurgent and The Gunman will split this point.




So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Insurgent scores 3 and 1/3 points, The Gunman scores 2 and 1/3 points (and a gold star), and Do You Believe? scores 1 and 1/3 points.

You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you saw God’s Not Dead more than once in the theater, feel free to watch Do You Believe?. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.

Conclusion 1: On paper, Insurgent is the best movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: Each week I give a gold star to the movie with the best tagline. This week, I only found one tagline, so The Gunman wins with “Armed with the Truth.”
Conclusion 3: Do you believe a number one seed will win the March Madness Bracket?




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