Last Weekend, Watch This

A comparison for the new releases for March 13-15, 2015

By Curt David

March 18, 2015

This is not what it looks like...whatever that is.

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New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? I’ll save you the hassle of researching every movie by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I’ll tell you which movie you should watch in the theaters.

For the weekend of March 13th, the new movies in wide release are Cinderella and Run All Night.







CinderellaRun All NightWINNER
(1 point per category)
Clearest TitleHopefully the Disney live-action version!A movie about training for a marathon?Cinderella easily wins this first point.
Best Genre
and Rating
Family Fantasy
Rated PG for mild thematic elements
Action
Rated R for strong violence, language including sexual references, and some drug use
This is what I’m talking about. Diversity of genre and rating. A happy 1/2 point each!
Best Plot
(in haiku form)
Cleaning girl, tough life
Prince. Ball. Godmother. Glass shoes.
You know this story
Man has to kill guy
To save son. Tells the guy’s dad.
Mob boss wants revenge!
Cinderella is one of the best stories of all time. Point.
Best TrailerPROS: Looks wonderfully well-done, magical, little girls will love it (you will too, even if you don’t admit it).
CONS: I didn’t see GusGus in the trailer!!!
PROS: Trailer looked awesome. Not another “Liam Neeson” movie. Made me care about the characters. Sounds better than plot write-up.
CONS: You may think you saw this movie before.
Both trailers will split the point!
Coolest Lead ActorLily James from Downton Abbey.Liam Neeson from Star Wars, Batman Begins, and Taken. For now, Liam will win this match-up.
Best CastCate Blanchett (Lord of the Rings) and Helena Bonham Carter (Harry Potter)Ed Harris (The Truman Show) and Common (Wanted)The ladies will take this point.
Best Street Cred
For the Production
Director Kenneth Branagh of Thor and Jack Ryan:Shadow Recruit. Director Juame Collet-Serra also directed Unknown and Non-stop. The directors can split this point.




So, out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Cinderella scores 4 and 1/2 points (and the gold star) and Run All Night scores 2 and 1/2 points.

You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you watched Taken 2 and 3, feel free to watch Run All Night. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.

Conclusion 1: On paper, Cinderella is the best movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: Each week I give a gold star to the movie with the best tagline. Cinderella didn’t need one, but still wins with “Midnight is just the beginning,” over Run All Night’s “No Sin Goes Unpunished.”
Conclusion 3: Seriously, if GusGus isn’t in this movie, I’m taking back the gold star.




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