This Weekend, Watch This

A comparison for the new releases for January 30 - February 1, 2015

By Curt David

January 30, 2015

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New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? I’ll save you the hassle of researching every movie by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I’ll tell you which movie you should watch in the theaters.

For the weekend of January 29th, the new movies in wide release are Black or White, The Loft, and Project Almanac.

Also, this is my final week campaigning for Andy Serkis to be nominated for Box Office Prophet’s 2015 Calvin Awards (see last year's here) for Best Actor. Since the awards are voted on by BOP contributors, I hope they read my column this week and figure out the subliminal messages I include in the table below.






Black or WhiteThe LoftProject AlmanacWINNER
(1 point per category)
Clearest TitleA movie about colors? VOTEA movie about architecture? ANDYA movie about a geography project? FORYeesh. These titles don’t sound appealing. 1/3 point each. BEST ACTOR!
Best Genre
and Rating
Drama
Rated PG-13 on appeal for brief strong language, thematic material involving drug use and drinking, and for a fight VOTE
Thriller
Rated R for sexual content, nudity, bloody violence, language and some drug use ANDY
Sci-fi
Rated PG-13 for some language and sexual content FOR
Three different genres! Nice. 1/3 point each. BEST ACTOR!
Best Plot
(in haiku form)
White guy adopts girl
She’s black. Her fam wants her back
Fights, laughs, tears, and love VOTE
Guys have affairs here
Secret place til she breaks in
Exposes them all ANDY
Teens find time machine
Have fun. There’s consequences
Moral decisions FOR
I feel like I’ve seen these plots before, maybe? 1/3 point each. BEST ACTOR!
Best TrailerPROS: Good cast. Looks like an inspirational movie, but you’re not sure based on the trailer
CONS: Maybe none if the movie turns out to be how you expected it to be VOTE
PROS: Could be cool to try and figure out the thriller mystery as you watch
CONS: Will be tough to root for the main characters, who are cheating scumbags ANDY
PROS: Looks much much better than you would think about a low-budget teen movie about time traveling
CONS: None, if you like a low-budget teen movie about time traveling FOR
Oh gosh, none of these trailers swept me off my feet, but none were unwatchable. 1/3 point each. BEST ACTOR!
Coolest Lead ActorKevin Costner from Dances with Wolves and Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. VOTEJames Marsden from X-Men and Enchanted. ANDYNo one I recognize yet FORKevin Costner wins this point! BEST ACTOR!
Best CastOctavia Spencer (The Help) and Anthony Mackie (Captain America: The Winter Soldier) VOTEKarl Urban (Star Trek), Wentworth Miller (Prison Break), and Eric Stonestreet (Modern Family) ANDYNo one I recognize yet FORThe first two movies split this point. BEST ACTOR!
Best Street Cred
For the Production
Writer and Director Mike Binder also wrote and directed The Upside of Anger and Reign Over Me. FOR THE LOVEDirector Erik Van Looy also directed famous Belgian films. VOTE FOR ANDYDirector Dean Israelite also directed short films. FOR BEST ACTORAnd I guess Black or White will win this point as well. PLEASE!




So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Black or White scores 3 and 5/6 points, The Loft scores 1 and 5/6 points, and Project Almanac scores 1 and 1/3 points.

You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you’re like me and actually found Project Almanac the most interesting, feel free to watch that. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.

Conclusion 1: On paper, Black or White is the best movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: Each week I give a gold star to the movie with the best tagline. Gold stars all around to all three taglines. Black or White’s “There’s more to family than what you see,” The Loft’s “The right place to do wrong,” and Project Almanac’s “Today is better the second time around.”
Conclusion 3: Cough. Andy Serkis. Cough. Best Actor. Cough Cough. Calvin Awards. Cough.




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