This Weekend, Watch This

A comparison for the new releases for November 14-16, 2014

By Curt David

November 14, 2014

Jim Carrey is fine without Jenny McCarthy.

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New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some movies sound awesome (Mars Need Moms), but then do not do too well commercially. Other movies star your celebrity crush (Kristen Bell in When in Rome), but then do not get much love critically. Still other movies are recommended by friends (but friends can be idiots). And if you are like 68%* of people, you are not even aware of which movies are being released, yet alone which movies you should pay your hard earned money on.

I’ll save you the hassle of researching every movie by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then I’ll tell you which movie you should watch in the theaters.

For the weekend of November 14th, the new movies in wide release are Beyond the Lights and Dumb and Dumber To.






Beyond the Lights Dumb and Dumber ToWINNER
(1 point per category)
Clearest TitleThis title could mean anythingThis title could only mean one thingThe sequel to Dumb and Dumber! One of the strongest Clearest Title Points of the year!
Best Genre
and Rating
Drama
Rated PG-13 for sexual content including suggestive gestures, partial nudity, language and thematic elements
Comedy
Rated PG-13 for crude and sexual humor, partial nudity, language and some drug references
1/2 point each for different genres and ratings.
Best Plot
(in haiku form)
Famous girl singer
Bad mom. Wants out. Meets a cop
More and more drama
Harry, Lloyd are back!
Have to find Harry’s daughter
They aren’t the brightest
Both plots sound less interesting on paper, both 1/2 point each.
Best TrailerPROS: It was watchable. Attractive cast.
CONS: Melodramatic. Reminds me of Nicholas Sparks movies.
PROS: Funny trailer. Familiar characters. Long-awaited sequel
CONS: None, except the sheer terror I had hoping the sequel does the first movie justice.
Dumb and Dumber also wins a point for this round.
Coolest Lead ActorMinnie Driver from Good Will Hunting and The Phantom of the Opera.Jim Carrey from The Truman Show, Ace Ventura, and Dumb & Dumber. Even though Minnie has a supporting role in this film, I still like her a lot...so 1/2 point each.
Best CastDanny Glover (Lethal Weapon) Jeff Daniels (Dumb & Dumber)And 1/2 point each again.
Best Street Cred
For the Production
Writer and Director Gina Prince-Bythewood also wrote and directed Love & Basketball and The Secret Life of Bees. Directors Bobby and Peter Farrelly also directed Dumb & Dumber and There’s Something About Mary. The Farrelly Brothers will take this point home.




So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Dumb and Dumber To scores 5 points and Beyond the Lights scores 2 points (and a gold star).

You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you liked the trailer of Beyond the Lights, feel free to watch that movie. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.

Conclusion 1: On paper, Dumb and Dumber To is the best movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: Each week I give a gold star to the movie with the best tagline. I couldn’t find one for Dumb and Dumber To (really? No one could think of a funny tagline?), so Beyond the Lights’ “Open your heart, find your voice” will win.
Conclusion 3: One week until the next Hunger Games movie! There are no words to describe my jubilation.

*Statistic is completely made up.




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