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Survivor: San Juan del Sur Power Rankings

Week 2

By Ben Willoughby

October 7, 2014

Torturous though this may be, it's still less painful than dating John Rocker.

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In San Juan del Sur, Hunahpu continued to win despite sucking and Coyopa continued to lose horribly while sucking. Here are the power rankings for this week.

Coyopa

After two votes, Coyopa has a pretty solid-looking alliance of five, with Jaclyn and probably John Rocker on the outs. Their next vote will be easy. The one after that, a little harder.

1. Dale

Dale is still seen as the old guy by the rest of his tribe and it turns out that the doohickey he found on the well cover is not actually an idol. Speaking as an insensitive bastard, I hope he plays it. But until then we will have to be satisfied with his framing of John Rocker to take a fall - or be kept around as the tribe’s Phillip Shepherd. I’ll keep him at #1.

2. Josh

Josh’s explanation to Baylor about why she got his vote was utterly unconvincing, but it got her to keep quiet about it. And now the talk is about Baylor playing both sides, not Josh.

3. Wes

We didn’t see much of Wes this week, but I assume he’s quietly cementing himself in the male alliance that is in control of the tribe.

4. Alex

Same goes for Alex. But he is behind Wes because he is slightly dumber.

5. John Rocker

Consider this hypothetical situation: You are playing Survivor. It is Day 6 and you have just recently found a hidden immunity idol. Someone else on your tribe, someone who is known to be on the outs, comes up to you and says that she has a hidden immunity idol. And she also has a second idol to give to her only ally in the game. Do you believe her?

If you answered “no,” congratulations on achieving the most basic possible understanding of Survivor gameplay. If you answered “yes,” hello, John Rocker, and might I add it’s no surprise that you write a column for WorldNetDaily.

However, John Rocker has an immunity idol, no one suspects he has it, and that counts for something.




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6. Baylor

Baylor was outed for being untrustworthy, but only by people outside her alliance. Of course, the people in her alliance know enough to shut up. And now that she has been tarred with the "playing both sides" brush, she’ll be a useful scapegoat in the future.

7. Jaclyn

Jaclyn is left as the obvious outsider. We’ll see how well she plays “anyone but Jaclyn” next episode.

Hunahpu

With Hunahpu routing the challenges, there hasn’t been much opportunity to see the tribe dynamics. I have no idea what’s happening or what the tribe dynamics are.

1. Jon

Jon showed how much his tribe will need him physically by beating John Rocker in mano a mano combat last week. But he also admitted to being the doofus who lost the tribe's flint and sent them cap in hand to Probst to be denied their fishing gear. I mean, they probably wouldn’t have caught anything with that fishing gear anyway, but try telling them that.

Anyway, Jon is still ranked #1 because take a look at the rest of these chucklenuts.

2. Reed

Two new things I learned about Reed this week. He is super-bendy. And he sucks at negotiation. Being schooled by Probst on when he should have asked to trade for a flint was just embarrassing for everyone concerned.

3. Jeremy

There had better be footage in the first five minutes of the next episode showing Jeremy finding the hidden immunity idol at his camp. If John Rocker managed it from his brief look at the clue and Jeremy somehow doesn’t, you know Jeremy isn’t going to make it far in this game.

4. Natalie

Natalie cried for the first time in a decade that her sister was the first contestant to be voted out. Given that Nadiya is back at the resort knocking back margaritas and shouting at the hired help, it’s pretty clear they don’t have Corsican Brothers syndrome. (Everything I know about identical twins comes from Double Impact, and the superior but lesser-known Jackie Chan oeuvre Twin Dragons.) First order of business for Natalie – secure an alliance with Jeremy, the other tribe orphan.

5. Drew

Drew didn’t know that out of Reed and Josh, Reed was the one on their team. How good do we think his social game is?

6. Julie

“Nobody would predict this!” ejaculated Probst after Julie beat John Rocker in a reward challenge, even though the challenge was about all balance and being able to limbo under poles. However, the narrative is leading towards Julie taking the fall for the vote for Val over at Coyopa. Of course, Hunahpu would have to lose first, so it’s really theoretical at this point.

7. Kelley

I had to look Kelley up again. I definitely started writing the power rankings too early this season.

8. Missy

Missy: Still the oldest woman on her tribe

9. Keith

Keith: Still old.

Those are the power rankings for this week. Tune in for tomorrow night’s episode in which John Rocker’s repugnant past comes back to haunt him, and on Thursday for the gleeful recap by David and Kim.


     


 
 

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