This Weekend, Watch This

A comparison for the new releases for May 2-4, 2014

By Curt David

May 2, 2014

Beat it, kid. There's room for only one Spider-Man in the 2000s and it's... oh, wait.

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New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some movies sound awesome (Vampires Suck), but then do not do too well commercially. Other movies star your celebrity crush (Emma Stone in Marmaduke), but then do not get much love critically. Still other movies are recommended by friends (but friends can be idiots). And if you are like 54%* of people, you are not even aware of which movies are being released, yet alone which movies you should pay your hard earned money on.

I’ll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then I’ll tell you which movie you should watch in the theaters.

For the weekend of May 2nd, the only new movie in wide release is The Amazing Spider-Man 2. Since it’ll automatically win the column, I’ll compare it to the 2004 movie Spider-Man 2.






The Amazing Spider-Man 2 Spider-Man 2 (2004)WINNER
(1 point per category)
Clearest TitleIt is the Spider-Man sequel!It was the Spider-Man sequel!Both titles split the point for clarity.
Best Genre
and Rating
Super-Hero Action
Rated PG-13 for sequences of sci-fi action/violence
Super-Hero Action
Rated PG-13 for stylized action violence
Both titles split the point for similarity.
Best Plot
(in haiku form)
Spider-Man is back
Fights a goblin and rhino
Also Electro
Spider-Man calls quits
Struggles with personal life
Octopus Bad Guy
The old sequel gets a point for having a plot more than just fighting.
Best TrailerPROS: Looked fun, with a lot of action!
CONS: If you’re excited about a sequel of a rebooted franchise, no cons.
PROS: Got my heart racing, huge tension between Peter’s love life, friend life, and duty to the world. Gave me chills.
CONS: Absolutely none.
Oh my gosh, the trailer for the old film made my heart care about Spider-Man and what happened to him. That’s how you make a trailer. Point.
Coolest Lead ActorAndrew Garfield from The Social Network and The Amazing Spider-Man. Tobey Maguire from Spider-Man, Pleasantville, and Seabiscuit. Tie.
Best CastEmma Stone (The Help), Jamie Foxx (Collateral), and Sally Field (Forrest Gump)Kirsten Dunst (Bring It On) and James Franco (127 Hours)The new Spider-Man gets this point!
Best Street Cred
For the Production
Director Marc Webb also directed (500) Days of Summer and The Amazing-Spider ManDirector Sam Raimi also directed The Evil Dead and Spider-Man. Both directors got out of their previous genre for their first Spider-Man film. 1/2 point each.




So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Spider-Man 2 (2004) scores 4 points and The Amazing Spider-Man 2 scores get 3 points and a gold star.

You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you want to spend money to see a movie on opening weekend, feel free to watch The Amazing Spider-Man 2. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.

Conclusion 1: On paper, Spider-Man 2 is the best movie to watch this weekend (well for pretend, since The Amazing Spider-Man 2 is the only new movie to watch this weekend)
Conclusion 2: Each week I give a gold star to the movie with the best tagline. The Amazing Spider-Man 2 wins a gold star with “His Greatest Battle Begins.”
Conclusion 3: This may not be the week to admit it, but more than Spider-Man, Batman, and The Avengers...I’m an X-Men fan.

*Statistic is completely made up.




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