This Weekend, Watch This

A comparison for the new releases for April 4-6, 2014

By Curt David

April 4, 2014

He seems to have an unfair advantage.

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New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some movies sound awesome (Home Alone 3), but then do not do too well commercially. Other movies star your celebrity crush (Anna Paquin in Darkness), but then do not get much love critically. Still other movies are recommended by friends (but friends can be idiots). And if you are like 73%* of people, you are not even aware of which movies are being released, yet alone which movies you should pay your hard earned money on.

I’ll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then I’ll tell you which movie you should watch in the theaters.

For the weekend of April 4th, the only new movie in wide release is the sequel to Captain America. Since it automatically wins this week’s competition, I’m going to compare it to a movie that’s been in theaters for two weeks, but because of its gradual release I never got to talk about it in my column: God’s Not Dead.






Captain America: The Winter Soldier God’s Not DeadWINNER
(1 point per category)
Clearest TitleSequel to Captain America. Word. Captain America and God are both pretty famous - 1/2 point each.
Best Genre
and Rating
Superhero Action
Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of violence, gunplay and action throughout
Religious Drama
Rated PG for thematic material, brief violence and an accident scene
These are definitely two different types of genres. 1/2 point each.
Best Plot
(in haiku form)
Cap America
There’s a new bad guy. He’s bad
We need your help now
College dilemma
You write “God’s dead” or you fail
Guy has to make choice
As far as plots go….the second plot is by far more original. Point for God’s Not Dead.
Best TrailerPROS: A grandiose Marvel film in The Avengers canon, with great action sequences
CONS: None (but if bad guys are so bad, why don’t other Avengers help out?)
PROS: It teaches teenagers to stand up for what they believe and not to just go along with the popular crowd
CONS: It may be low-budget and religious, but at least it makes you think
I don’t know if this is sacrilegious to say, but Captain America 2 had the better trailer.
Coolest Lead ActorChris Evans from the Fantastic Four and The Avengers. Shane Harper in his first big roleChris Evans is more famous at the moment, so point for him.
Best CastSamuel L. Jackson, Scarlett Johansson, Robert Redford (Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid), and Cobie Smulders (How I Met Your Mother).Kevin Sorbo (Hercules), Dean Cain (Lois and Clark), and Willie (Duck Dynasty)I’m sorry, are Willie and me the only people in this column without sixpacks??? The movies are actually going to split the point for best cast.
Best Street Cred
For the Production
Directors Anthony and Joe Russo also directed TV shows. Director Harold Cronk also directed some other religious movies. These directors have definitely secured jobs after these movies. Half point each.




So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Captain America: The Winter Soldier scores 4 points and God’s Not Dead scores 3 points (and a gold star).

You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you have heard of the movies Fireproof and Courageous, feel free to watch God’s Not Dead. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.

Conclusion 1: On paper, Captain America: The Winter Soldier is the best movie to watch this weekend with your friends (although guaranteed you’ll have better philosophical, theological, and cinematic discussions with your friends afterwards if you watch God’s Not Dead).
Conclusion 2: Each week I give a gold star to the movie with the best tagline. BOP’s Brett Ballard-Beach may quibble over my gold star distribution again this week, but I’m going to give the gold star to God’s Not Dead’s “What do you believe?” I would feel like I would need to go to confession if I gave it to Captain America’s pun instead (“In Heroes we trust”).
Conclusion 3: I just looked up the definition of Quibble. Google says it’s a verb “to argue or raise objections about a trivial matter.” I declare that these gold stars are definitely not trivial matters, though.

*Statistic is completely made up.




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