2014 Calvin Awards: Best Character

By David Mumpower

February 11, 2014

I would like to meet his dentist.

Best Character is one of our unique awards here at BOP. Each year, a list of dozens of characters is whittled down to a few worthy contenders who vie for the title. 2014 sees a slight variation on the usual script as one selection ran away with the competition, even though he was not even especially well liked by a few of the voters. That statement alone speaks to the novelty of our winner.

Alien from Spring Breakers is our staff’s selection as Best Character of the year. As portrayed by James Franco, Alien is a materialistic drug dealer with a preternatural obsession with the concept of Spring Break. To wit, Alien goes to jail and bails a series of complete strangers simply because they are cute girls who happen to have celebrated their spring break a bit too much. Alien drives the women to his, well, evil lair and proceeds to exhibit all of his stuff. Alien is inordinately proud of his stuff. See, he came from nothing so every asset he has attained, no matter how ill-gotten, is proof of his accomplishments as a man.

Alien loves the ladies. He also loves fellating firearms. What he does not love is his old best friend, who has recently demonstrated a desire to become the area drug lord of note. A turf war proceeds, largely through words rather than deeds. All the while, Alien continues to sport his million dollar grill of teeth. He also attempts to seduce all of the women for whom he made bail, largely succeeding. Ladies love a man with a lot of stuff. In this manner, we grow to understand that Alien has cracked the code of life.


Simply by having a wonderful home, lots of personal property and the appropriate amount of bail money, Alien elevates his love from ordinary to extraordinary. Along the way, he also sports the too memorable catch phrase of the movie, “Spring Breeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeak.” As enunciated by James Franco, these words possess a power. They are like an ice pick to eardrum, a virus for which there is no cure. It is as if the words are used to identify that in a movie overflowing with scantily clad women, Alien is the king of spring break. Love him or hate him, he is infinitely watchable. He is also the runaway winner as our choice for Best Character of the year.

Perhaps no film symbolism resonates with society like isolation does. In the movie Frozen, Ice Queen Elsa has loneliness thrust upon her in an unprecedented way. As a child, her attempt to play with her kid sister almost kills the younger girl. Her parents, wary of their daughter’s newfound ice powers, attempt to hide her from the outside world, as much for the protection of the world itself than for her. They are the ruling monarchy of Arendelle and must weigh the needs of their people, not only their daughter. When they die suddenly as is wont to happen to parents in Disney animated movies, Elsa cannot even confide in her sister. The younger girl has no memory of her sister’s powers. Elsa is completely alone in the world.

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