Top Chef Recap

By David Mumpower

December 4, 2013

At least he's got a cool name.

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Since I know you are all wondering, the following people lack hip tang: Nicholas, Carrie and Nina. Nicholas failed because his sauce was weak. Carrie and Nina went the other way. Carrie’s sauce was “Trinidad-ily, over the edge hot” while Nina’s flavor was “head-slamming, over the top hot.” Clearly, Dr. John is cool; ergo, he cannot handle his sauces too hot.

Whose tang is hippest? Brian is applauded for crafting a flavor that is “verily hip.” And that isn’t just Dr. John talking! Padma quickly confirms the verily hip-ness of the dish. I’m guessing Padma laughed all week after her encounter with Dr. John. New Orleans local Justin is also complimented for clipping Dr. John’s wings. That’s an act of war in Heaven or any movie about birds but Dr. John plays by different rules than the seraph/avian crowd. Carlos is the other choice because he hit a lot of the musician’s corners. Dr. John is a masochist. To wit, Brian is chosen as the winner because he hit Dr. John the hardest (his words, not mine). Congratulations on your first win, Brian! Know that you have kicked a septuagenarian’s ass.

Now is the time for the Elimination challenge. Hey, you know that time during a movie where the crazy guy starts screaming, “Die, pig, die!” This round is a lot like that. There is one giant pig (think Chief Wiggum-sized) to be shared by all the remaining players. They will each craft a dish in this manner. In Cajun country, this sort of meal is called a boucherie, and a couple of real Cajun chefs, Toby Rodriguez and Donald Link, arrive to guide them through the process. Spoilers: the meal goes well. I mean historically well. Tom later describes the dishes as the strongest batch in the history of Top Chef.




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What is the first part of the boucherie? Eleven chefs wage war over ingredients. Nobody gets too grabby, but Sara does irritate others by performing something I have never seen before. She backseat carves while Nick carves the pig. I really like Sara but she is extremely pushy. Nick runs into another issue when Nina announces her intention to cook pig’s head, his intended choice as well. That’s like deciding to play a round of golf only to discover that Tiger Woods, Jack Nicklaus and Arnold Palmer comprise the rest of your foursome for the day.

Oddly, Nick is not the player who quarrels with Nina, though. During meal preparations, Justin nurtures his grill in a precise way. The reason is because the pork he is preparing needs a low heat. He also requires a great deal of room for his work space. After Justin has everything set up, Nina starts to claim her space in that area. As Nick states, he spent time building the fire for his grill and nobody helped. The instant it was ready, Brian and Nina both horned in on his area.

Nick defensively protects his workspace, which is reasonable. He requests that the pressure cookers be removed from his grill area. Nina’s reply is odd. “That’s me. I’ll take it off. Relax.” And everything would be fine if she stopped there. Nina is not one to leave a thought unspoken, though. “Suck a dick, man! Straight up!” There are other comments she adds that get bleeped out. An aspect of Nina’s coming from royalty (of a sort) is that she experiences Hulk-rage whenever she does not get her way. She also clearly has issues with penis envy. That’s like the third comment along those lines this season, and we’re only halfway through Top Chef 11.


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