This Weekend, Watch This

A comparison for the new releases for November 15-17, 2013

By Curt David

November 15, 2013

Be careful with Mr. Howard, there. He's carazay.

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New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some movies sound awesome (John Carter), but then do not do too well commercially. Other movies star your celebrity crush (Jessica Alba in Honey), but then do not get much love critically. Still other movies are recommended by friends (but friends can be idiots). And if you are like 3%* of people, you are not even aware of which movies are being released, yet alone which movies you should pay your hard earned money on.

I’ll save you the hassle of researching every movie, by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then I’ll tell you which movie you should watch in the theaters.

For the weekend of November 15th, the only new film opening in wide release is The Best Man Holiday, which means it’ll automatically win the column. Since you might be saving your money to see the Hunger Games sequel next weekend, I’ll also include my seven favorite YouTube clips for you to enjoy in the meantime.






WINNER
(1 point per category)
The Best Man Holiday My seven favorite youtube clips.
Clearest TitleAt first I didn't catch that this was a sequel to the 1999 film: The Best Man. Point.#7: I don’t know why this Jimmy Fallon interview cracks me up so much, but I just love live improv: Michael Jordan Interview
Best Genre
and Rating
Comedy
Rated R for language, sexual content, and brief nudity. Point.
#6: You most likely have seen this clip already, but I can never get enough of: How Animals Eat Their Food
Best Plot
(in haiku form)
Friends meet for Christmas
Sex, fun, and secrets happen
Wacky holiday (point)
#5: Five years ago, I quoted this Mad TV sketch more than any other thing in my life: Bon Qui Qui
Best TrailerPROS: Beautiful people, a couple good one-liners
CONS: I personally didn’t laugh during the trailer, but it gets the point.
#4: Speaking of trailers, this is funnier the second time you watch it: Trailer for Every Oscar-Wining Movie Ever
Coolest Lead ActorTaye Diggs from Chicago, Private Practice, and the 1999 movie: The Best Man. Point. #3: I’m not sure why I can’t stop laughing when I watch this, but yes: Animals Can Be Jerks
Best CastTerrence Howard (Crash), Regina Hall (Scary Movie), and Eddie Cibrian (Thirdwatch). Point. #2: My favorite award presentation EVER: Kristen Wiig and Will Ferrell
Best Street Cred
For the Production
Writer and Director Malcolm D. Lee also wrote and directed The Best Man. And final point. #1: And I die laughing at every scene with Claire Huxtable on The Cosby Show, here’s my favorite: Claire Huxtable





So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, The Best Man Holiday wins all points and the gold star.

You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you liked the movie The Best Man 15 years ago, feel free to watch this film. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.

Conclusion 1: On paper, The Best Man Holiday is the best movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: Each week I give a gold star to the movie with the best tagline. Clearly, Best Man’s tagline, “Times Change. Friendship Doesn’t” has to win the gold star this week.
Conclusion 3: I actually hate it when friends get together and start showing their favorite YouTube clips, because I never find their clips funny and I just want to watch more of the clips I find funny. But I found this week’s column quite enjoyable for myself.

*Statistic is completely made up.




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