This Weekend, Watch This: A comparison for the new releases for June 7-9, 2013

This Weekend, Watch This

A comparison for the new releases for June 7-9, 2013

By Curt David

June 7, 2013

I think they were just voted out of their own movie.

New at BOP:
Review: Matrix Resurrections
Movie Review: Moonfall
Movie Reviews: Scream
The #1 Movie in America
November Forecast
The Many Saints of Newark
October Forecast
New Trivia Question

All site updates
Share & Save

Tweet

Print this column

New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some movies sound awesome (Wimbledon), but then do not do too well commercially. Other movies star your celebrity crush (Lena Headey in The Brothers Grimm), but then do not get much love critically. Still other movies are recommended by friends (but friends can be idiots). And if you are like 18%* of people, you are not even aware of which movies are being released, let alone which movies you should pay your hard earned money on.

I’ll save you the hassle of researching every movie by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then I’ll tell you which movie you should watch in the theaters.

For the weekend of June 7th, the new movies in wide release are The Internship and The Purge.

	The Internship	The Purge	WINNER (1 point per category)
Clearest Title	How do we write titles these days? Pick a noun, write “the” before it.	See my point.	Each noun will get 1/2 point for best title.
Best Genre and Rating	Comedy Rated PG-13 for sexuality, some crude humor, partying, and language.	Horror Rated R for strong, disturbing violence and some language.	Two different genres and ratings. Wonderful. Another 1/2 point each.
Best Plot (in haiku form)	Two guys lose their jobs Become interns at google With young college kids	All crime is legal On just one night every year Will you survive it?	“All crime is legal” cannot bode well for the characters of any movie. The Purge wins the point for Best Plot.
Best Trailer	PROS: Mildly amusing, will make you smile CONS: Might not make you laugh	PROS: Very disturbing premise, I couldn’t stop watching the trailer CONS: n/a	Yuck, the feeling of watching something disturbing is still on me long after I saw the trailer. I guess the trailer did its job. Point for The Purge.
Coolest Lead Actor	Vince Vaughn from Dodgeball, Wedding Crashers, and Rudy.	Ethan Hawke from Training Day and Before Sunrise.	Vince and Ethan can split the point for coolest actor.
Best Cast	Owen Wilson (Wedding Crashers)	Lena Headey (300)	Owen Wilson is the best cast. Point.
Best Street Cred For the Production	Director Shawn Levy also directed Date Night and Night of the Museum.	Writer and director James DeMonaco also wrote Jack and Assault on Precinct 13.	Shawn Levy has just slightly more street cred, so he’ll just slightly more win this point.

So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, both movies score 3 and 1/2 points (but The Purge gets the gold star).

You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you liked Couples Retreat or Four Christmases, feel free to watch The Internship. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.

Conclusion 1: On paper both movies tie as the best movie to watch this weekend. But The Purge will win the tie-breaker in conclusion 2.
Conclusion 2: Each week I give a gold star to the movie with the best tagline. The Internship’s “Hiring them was a brilliant mistake” was a mistake for a tagline. The Purge’s “One night a year, all crime is legal” is crazy messed-up original. The Purge wins the gold star.
Conclusion 3: In my haiku, I wasn’t sure if “every” was pronounced in two syllables or three. I personally use three syllables, but the dictionary just said two, so then I added the word “just” to my sentence.

*Statistic is completely made up.

Advertisement

[ View other columns by Curt David ] [ View other This Weekend, Watch This columns ]
[ Email this column ]