This Weekend, Watch This

A comparison for the new releases for May 3-5, 2013

By Curt David

May 3, 2013

That's his 'go out on the town' suit.

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New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some movies sound awesome (Scott Pilgrim vs. The World), but then do not do too well commercially. Other movies star your celebrity crush (Gwyneth Paltrow in View from the Top), but then do not get much love critically. Still other movies are recommended by friends (but friends can be idiots). And if you are like 84%* of people, you are not even aware of which movies are being released, yet alone which movies you should pay your hard earned money on.

I’ll save you the hassle of researching every movie by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then I’ll tell you which movie you should watch in the theaters.

For the weekend of May 3rd, the only new movie in wide release is Iron Man 3. Since it’ll clearly win and get all seven points, for your entertainment, I’ll also find the Kevin Bacon numbers of the cast members of Iron Man 3. (With google’s help, it’ll tell me how many degrees of separation Kevin Bacon is from any actor, connected by movies).







One Point per category Iron Man 3Kevin Bacon Number
Clearest TitleIt's the third Iron Man movie!!Robert Downey has a Bacon number of 2 (He was with Kyra Sedgwick in Heart and Souls. Kyra was with Bacon in Loverboy).
Best Genre
and Rating
Comedy
Rated PG-13 for sequences of intense sci-fi action and violent throughout out, and brief suggestive content.
Gwyneth Paltrow: Bacon Number of 2. (She was with Meg Ryan in Flesh and Bone. Meg was with Bacon in In The Cut).
Best Plot
(in haiku form)
Iron Man is back
The villain takes his girlfriend
Action and revenge
Don Cheadle: 2 (With Andy Garcia in Ocean's Eleven. Garcia was with Bacon in The Air I Breathe).
Best TrailerPROS: This is another Marvel, Iron Man, Avengers type movie!
CONS: Bad guy takes girlfriend of superhero plot may not be most original
Ben Kingsley: 2 (with Kyra Sedgwick in Twelfth Night: Or What You Will. Kyra was with Bacon in Loverboy).
Coolest Lead ActorRobert Downey Jr. from The Avengers, Sherlock Holmes, and Tropic Thunder. John Favreau: 2 (with Jennifer Aniston in The Break-Up. She was with Bacon in Picture Perfect)
Best CastGwyneth Paltrow (Shakespeare in Love), Don Cheadle (Crash), and Ben Kingsley (Gandhi) Paul Bettany: 2 (was with Chris Penn in Kiss Kiss. Penn was with Bacon in Footloose).
Best Street Cred
For the Production
Writer and Director Shane Black has also written The Lethal Weapon movies. Zueqi Wang, who plays a doctor in the movie, has a Bacon number of 3. (w Jackie Chan in The Founding of a Republic. Chan was with Oliver Platt in CZ12. Platt was with Bacon in Loverboy).





So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Iron Man 3 wins them all! (and a gold star!)

You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you aren’t going to see a movie this weekend, feel free to be the only one not at the theaters. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.

Conclusion 1: On paper, Iron Man 3 is the best movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: Each week I give a gold star to the movie with the best tagline. Iron Man 3 wins (unchallenged) with “Unleash the power behind the armor")
Conclusion 3: It’s tough to find a Bacon number higher than 2.





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