|G. I. Joe: Retaliation
||Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor
(1 point per category)
|Clearest Title||Ooh, a sequel to the G.I. Joe movie!
||Another book by the Twilight author?
||This sounds like a Tyler Perry film.
||Pretty clear titles, G.I. Joe is the clearest. Point for Joe.
Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of combat violence and martial arts and action throughout, brief sensuality, and language.
Rated PG-13 for some sensuality and violence.
Rated PG-13 for violence, sexuality, and drug content.
|Three PG-13s...which equals...three 1/3 points each. |
(in haiku form)
|Dangerous bad guys|
G. I. Joe to the rescue
They can save the Earth!
|Guy and girl in love|
Alien in girl’s body
Can the love survive?
|Married guy and girl |
Girl seduced by other man
More drama happens
|While it might sound like Romeo and Juliet, I still don’t write about Aliens that much. The Host wins this point. |
|Best Trailer||+ Tatum, the Rock, and Willis|
+ Seems like epic scenes of action
- But I am very upset at the lack of original characters from the first film!
|+ It’s a story about aliens|
- It’s a love story between a human teenager and an alien
+ Trailer seemed fine (even if it was based on a Twilight-esque book)
|- I hate movies where the plots are affairs|
+ But if you like Tyler Perry movies, this is for you
+ If you like dramas, this is for you.
|G.I. Joe had the best trailer for a new movie, but it’s an awful sequel trailer (where’s the first cast?). So I’m going to let the other two movies split the point. |
|Coolest Lead Actor||Dwayne Johnson from WWE, Scorpion King, and Fast Five. ||Saoirse Ronan from Hannah, Atonement, and The Lovely Bones. ||Vanessa Williams from Soul Food, Ugly Betty, and Eraser. ||But despite my anger that “Scarlett” isn’t in the new movie, I still have to admit that Dwayne Johnson is the coolest actor. Point. |
|Best Cast||Channing Tatum (Step Up) and Bruce Willis (Die Hard)||Diane Kruger (National Treasure)||Brandy (Moesha) and Kim Kardashian (Keeping Up with the Kardashians)||G.I. Joe has the best cast, but also the most incorrect cast...so all three movies will get 1/3 point.|
|Best Street Cred|
For the Production
|Director John M. Chu has also directed Step Up 2 and 3 and Justin Bieber: Never Say Never. ||Writer and Director Andrew Niccol also wrote The Truman Show and The Terminal.||Writer and Director Tyler Perry also wrote and directed Diary of a Mad Black Woman and all his other films. ||I really really really like the movies Truman Show and The Terminal. Since Perry always wins this point in my column, today I’m going to let Mr. Niccol win the point. |