| G. I. Joe: Retaliation
| The Host
| Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor
| WINNER
(1 point per category)
|
Clearest Title | Ooh, a sequel to the G.I. Joe movie!
| Another book by the Twilight author?
| This sounds like a Tyler Perry film.
| Pretty clear titles, G.I. Joe is the clearest. Point for Joe.
|
Best Genre and Rating | Action
Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of combat violence and martial arts and action throughout, brief sensuality, and language. | Sci-Fi
Rated PG-13 for some sensuality and violence. | Drama
Rated PG-13 for violence, sexuality, and drug content. | Three PG-13s...which equals...three 1/3 points each. |
Best Plot (in haiku form) | Dangerous bad guys
G. I. Joe to the rescue
They can save the Earth!
| Guy and girl in love
Alien in girl’s body
Can the love survive? | Married guy and girl
Girl seduced by other man
More drama happens | While it might sound like Romeo and Juliet, I still don’t write about Aliens that much. The Host wins this point. |
Best Trailer | + Tatum, the Rock, and Willis
+ Seems like epic scenes of action
- But I am very upset at the lack of original characters from the first film!
| + It’s a story about aliens
- It’s a love story between a human teenager and an alien
+ Trailer seemed fine (even if it was based on a Twilight-esque book) | - I hate movies where the plots are affairs
+ But if you like Tyler Perry movies, this is for you
+ If you like dramas, this is for you. | G.I. Joe had the best trailer for a new movie, but it’s an awful sequel trailer (where’s the first cast?). So I’m going to let the other two movies split the point. |
Coolest Lead Actor | Dwayne Johnson from WWE, Scorpion King, and Fast Five. | Saoirse Ronan from Hannah, Atonement, and The Lovely Bones. | Vanessa Williams from Soul Food, Ugly Betty, and Eraser. | But despite my anger that “Scarlett” isn’t in the new movie, I still have to admit that Dwayne Johnson is the coolest actor. Point. |
Best Cast | Channing Tatum (Step Up) and Bruce Willis (Die Hard) | Diane Kruger (National Treasure) | Brandy (Moesha) and Kim Kardashian (Keeping Up with the Kardashians) | G.I. Joe has the best cast, but also the most incorrect cast...so all three movies will get 1/3 point. |
Best Street Cred For the Production | Director John M. Chu has also directed Step Up 2 and 3 and Justin Bieber: Never Say Never. | Writer and Director Andrew Niccol also wrote The Truman Show and The Terminal. | Writer and Director Tyler Perry also wrote and directed Diary of a Mad Black Woman and all his other films. | I really really really like the movies Truman Show and The Terminal. Since Perry always wins this point in my column, today I’m going to let Mr. Niccol win the point. |