| Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters | Parker | Movie 43 | WINNER
(1 point per category) |
| Clearest Title | Aren’t those the kids from the fairy tale? | I don’t know what or who Parker is. | This is just a number after the word movie. | Hansel & Gretel gets the point for the clearest point. |
Best Genre
and Rating | Action/Fantasy
Rated R for strong fantasy horror violence and gore, brief sexuality/nudity, and language. | Crime/Thriller
Rated R for strong violence, language throughout, and brief sexual content/nudity. | Comedy
Rated R for strong pervasive crude and sexual content including dialogue, graphic nudity, language, some violence, and drug use. | I don’t often type fantasy in this column, so point for Hansel and Gretel. |
Best Plot
(in haiku form) | Hansel and Gretel
Grown-ups with guns and crossbows
Hunting them witches. | Tough man wants payback
Teams up with sexy J.Lo
To bring down bad guys. | Very famous cast
Does film with raunchy humor
There’s not more to say. | Hansel and Gretel has the best sounding concept for a movie. Third point in a row. |
| Best = Trailer | + Lots of witch killing action
- But didn’t seem fun to watch
- And how do they have guns in old times? | + Jennifer Lopez in a Jason Statham movie
- Plot seems very typical
- Nothing in the trailer stood out as awesome to me | + There are seriously a lot of famous people in the movie
+ It’s like Valentine’s Day, but with potty humor
- Don’t know if there’s a plot | Movie 43 is the only movie I sort of want to see after watching the trailers. |
| Coolest Lead Actor | Jeremy Renner from Avengers, The Hurt Locker, and The Bourne Legacy. | Jason Statham from Crank, The Transporter, and The Expendables. | Halle Berry, Uma Thurman, Naomi Watts, Kate Winslet, Liev Schreiber, Kristen Bell, Johnny Knoxville, Justin Long, and Christopher Mintz-Plasse. | I don’t know who is the lead, but Movie 43 has to win for the coolest actor. |
| Best Cast | Famke Janssen (X-men trilogy)
| Jennifer Lopez (Out of Sight), Michael Chiklis (The Shield), and Nick Nolte (Warrior) | Richard Gere, Terrence Howard, Hugh Jackman, Jason Sudeikis, Kate Bosworth, Gerard Butler, Josh Duhamel, Anna Faris, Emma Stone, and Chloe Moretz | And there’s even more cast members! Another point for Movie 43. |
Best Street Cred
For the Production | Writer and Director Tommy Wirkola has written and directed a lot of Norwegian films. | Director Taylor Hackford also directed An Officer and a Gentleman and Ray. | It also has ten directors! Including Elizabeth Banks, Steven Brill (Mr. Deeds), Steve Carr (Paul Blart), and seven more! | So they probably all directed separate short films, but the directing list is awesome! Dang, another point! |
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