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Stefan’s goulash is so tasty that the celebrities question whether they understand what the dish is. I thought it was something the Germans forced Hogan’s Heroes to eat. As they lavish praise upon Stefan’s food, he is shown awkwardly flirting with Kristen yet again. “I’m going to divorce you” is his choice of romantic quotes. It doesn’t quite have the ring of “You had me at hello,” does it? The star of the evening, however, is Brooke. Her squid ink/lamb dish may sound like a future SyFy monster movie creation but the judges adore it. Having already won the Quickfire challenge, she is poised to win twice in one episode.

The second batch of dishes proves less popular. Kristen prepares a Délice de Bourgogne Tortelloni, which looks like it came straight off a magazine cover. It does feature foam, though. That’s usually a Top Chef no-no. Micah sloppily splatters food all over his plate and calls it braised pork ribs with celery root puree, grilled apples & celery leaf salad. Before hearing the judges debate it, I call it the Dish Most Likely to Get Somebody Eliminated. Hey Micah! Learn to paint within the lines, big guy.

Lizzie delivers another remarkably composed plate of food. It is crusted king salmon with radish & beet salad. I like none of these components yet the end result is impressive. Eliza is the last performer on this course. She creates an elk ribeye with elk sausage polenta, spiced carrots & huckleberry pork sauce. The sauce has the unfortunate effect of giving the elk meat eyes. It looks like some raspberry Jello tried to run away with a burnt pork chop. This is not Eliza’s finest work…and she knew it.

The tortelloni is a big winner. Pratt mentions anecdotally that friends have described it as the best meal of the night. Moonen quickly agrees, describing it as “a perfect bite.” Praise from Caesar is praise indeed. Micah’s dish is instantly dismissed for having “too much cream.” Tom appears aggravated. Lizzie’s dish frustrates Gail because it wasn’t seared enough and needed to caramelize. This is exactly what she feared during the preparations. Eliza’s dish is not insulted the way I expected, with Gail going so far as to compliment the acidic flavor of the bite.

The final batch of contestants also eschews desserts for main courses. Danyele creates pan-roasted wild boar, hoppin’ John & tomato-bacon marmalade. Almighty Google informs me that hoppin’ John is a classic Southern dish to celebrate New Year’s. As someone who lives in the south, this is news to me. Part of the component is black-eyed peas so Danyele has lost. Those things are NASTY. The dish she serves does seem misguided. Danyele’s insecurity continues to impact her performance.

Joshua subscribes to the “Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me” line of thinking. Why, if the judges didn’t like the previous amount of pork, I’ll give them double! This reminds me of a recent restaurant experience where I was given a pork “chop” that looked like a Macy’s Day Parade balloon made real and shoved in an oven. And I think that piece of pork was smaller than the one Joshua plans to serve.

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