This Weekend, Watch This

A comparison for the new releases for October 12-14, 2012

By Curt David

October 12, 2012

I didn't mean to insult your dog!

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New movies are released into theaters every weekend. How do you decide which movie to watch? Some people could pick a movie based on the title (Surprisingly, I am Sam, I am Legend, and I am Number Four all have different genres). Some people watch trailers (misleading), some people listen to their friends (friends can be idiots), and some people only go to the movies if their Hollywood crush is on the screen (My alphabetical actress crush list...N is for Nicole Sullivan).

More likely than not, each weekend there is a movie that you have never heard of in the theaters. I'll save you the hassle of researching every movie by comparing the new releases for each weekend in this column. Then, I'll tell you which movie to watch.

For the weekend of October 12th, the new movies in wide release are Argo, Here Comes the Boom, and Sinister (also Atlas Shrugged: Part II and Seven Psychopaths are opening in a more limited release).


Argo Here Comes the Boom Sinister WINNER
(1 point per category)
Clearest Title I declare that this can not possibly be a word. Boom is a word, but it does not make sense in this sentence. I understand this word and it sounds scary. I haven’t heard of the movie Sinister before, but it has the clearest title- point.
Best Genre
and Rating
Drama
Rated R for language and some violent images.
Action/Comedy
Rated PG for MMA sports violence, some rude humor, and language.
Horror
Rated R for disturbing violent images and some terror.
Here Comes the Boom gets a point for being PG! There should be more PG movies aimed at adults these days.
Cleverest Tagline
(out of 5 stars)
The movie was fake. The mission was real.

3/5 Decent tagline. Awesome true story plot.
One teacher still believes in fighting for his students.

3/5 Ha, he’s fighting emotionally AND physically.
Once you see him, nothing can save you.

2/5 Generic.
The first two movies will split the point for the best taglines. Sorry Sinister.
Best Part of Trailer It’s a real spy story. Looks good. It’s not a dumb Kevin James comedy, it’s like a Kevin James inspirational dramedy (which is a good thing) Not my personal cup of tea, but it looked good for a horror trailer. Argo has the best trailer (but I don’t disapprove of the other ones). Point.
Coolest Lead Actor Ben Affleck from Good Will Hunting, Daredevil, and Pearl Harbor. Kevin James from The King of Queens, Hitch, and Paul Blart: Mall Cop. Ethan Hawke from Training Day, Before Sunset, and Dead Poet’s Society. I love Jennifer Garner (Ethan guest starred on Alias, Ben married her), and Nicole Sullivan (King of Queens), so all three men will split a jealous point from me.
Best Cast Bryan Cranston (Malcolm in the Middle), Alan Arkin (Little Miss Sunshine), John Goodman (Roseanne), and Victor Garbor (Alias) Salma Hayek (Frida) and Henry Winkler (Happy Days) Names weren’t super recognizable (yet) Argo has the best cast this week (it would have the best cast of all time if it also starred The Fonz).
Best Street Cred
For the Production
Director Ben Affleck has also directed The Town and Gone Baby Gone. Director Frank Coraci has also directed Zookeeper, The Waterboy, and The Wedding Singer. Writer and Director Scott Derrickson also wrote and directed The Exorcism of Emily Rose. Comparable to their genres, Ben and Frank have directed amazing movies. Each will split the point.



So out of a maximum of 7 points per movie, Argo scores 3 and 1/3 points, Here Comes the Boom scores 2 and 1/3 points, and Sinister scores 1 and 1/3 points.

You may interpret this column for your own movie preferences. For example, if you want to see the self-proclaimed “year’s most terrifying film," feel free to just watch Sinister. However, if you are still on the fence, please read the following conclusions from the scientific data gathered in this column.

Conclusion 1: On paper, Argo is the best movie to watch this weekend.
Conclusion 2: Sinister was indeed a scary movie. Argo is the name of the fake movie being filmed in that movie. I may be missing something completely obvious, but what does “Here Comes the Boom” mean?!?
Conclusion 3: A long time ago, I visited the National Spy Museum in Washington D.C. (check it out) and I distinctly remember learning about the story behind the movie Argo. I also remember crawling through an airduct (seriously, check out the museum).



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